GUILTY. A REVIEW.

I rented SPEED RACER.  First let me say that when it was first announced that the movie was going to be made by the Wachowski Brothers from THE MARTIX movies, I was excited.  Then I saw pictures of the Mach 5, and I was excited.  Then I saw the trailer, got excited for PARTS of it (the anime style), and not excited for other parts of it (when RACER X catches some dudes punch at 3 miles per hour).  Then reviews came in and they were all negative, so I stayed away from it at the theaters.

EXCELLENT.

LAME.

I TRIED to watch it in theaters, but it was definitely at the bottom of my list.  But now that I HAVE seen it I can say that I enjoyed it.  It wasn't great but it wasn't terrible and I can see why some people hated it.  If you were a fan of the original series (I wasn't), or a fan of anime (I'm not really a FAN, I just like Cowboy Bebop), then you'll enjoy this movie.  It is a literal translation from anime and it really is unlike something that has been seen before.  I didnt like ALL of it, sure its a bit goofy at times, but its instantaneous and goes away fast.  Its a VERY colorful movie but as my brother explained it to me, it NEEDS such sharp contrasting colors to differentiate elements on the screen, otherwise it would all be a dark blur.  And as it was put in the documentary, this film is derived from an anime.  Anime isn't about being literal, its about being emotional.  It's meant to take themes and exaggerate them to make the audience feel a certain way.  And thats what this movie does.  With spinning cars and bright colors.  Definitely check it out if you want to watch a fun movie that isn't so serious, in a sea of serious movies.  And if you can, watch it on blu-ray, it seriously feels like your eyes shit ice cream in your brain.

Paranormal Activity

Let me tell you a story. Most people don't believe me about this, but I've seen three UFO's and two GHOSTS in my life, so I think you can trust me. Anyway, one night I woke up from sleep, it was around 3 or 4AM, and there was a rather large, otherworldly creature at the end of my room near my door, trying to hide under my dresser. It was dark and I was too afriad to turn on the light, which is why I can't tell you what this thing was exactly. It was however approx. 13 inches long and about 6 inches tall. It was dark and dome shaped. So I stared at it, frozen with fear. It stared back. Neither of us moved an inch. I finally grabbed a shoe and threw it at the creature and it scurried under my dresser. I threw another shoe at it and it didn't move. I stared at it until I eventually fell back asleep. In the morning, when it was brighter, I looked under my dresser and it was gone. I never found the creature or what it was. I know it wasnt a rat or mouse or raccoon, or prairie dog becuase I never had any one of those in my house before or after I found this creature. It guess I attract paranormal activity. Next time I'll tell the story of the ghost crossing the street to QuikTrip.

ARTIST'S RENDERING OF THE CREATURE

THANK YOU LORD BABY JESUS.

Those of you who know me know that I will unblinkingly watch GHOSTBUSTERS, and THE OFFICE, along with a few others of course. Those of you know GHOSTBUSTERS know the story of the never-made GHOSTBUSTERS III. If you don't here it is; DAN ACKROYD, writer of the original GHOSTBUSTERS movies, wrote a script for GHOSTBUSTERS III back in the mid 90's in which Hell literally breaks loose into NYC and the OG GHOSTBUSTERS have to train a NEW group of GBs to assist them in removing the beasts of hell from the world. This NEW group of GHOSTBUSTERS would have included (according to ACKROYD) CHRIS FARLEY and BEN STILLER. Turns out the budget was something big, like OPTIMUS PRIME big, big fucking robot big. So the studio passed, and the film never got made. ACKROYD writes another script, which evolves into a new semi-sequel GHOSTBUSTERS video game out this holiday, which if someone can pre-order for me would be rad. TODAY comes the OFFICIAL word that GBIII is INDEED happening with writers from THE OFFICE comissioned to write the script, which involves the ORIGINAL GB crew to return and catch ghosts in that thing that zip cord vacuum box. The guys who write THE OFFICE definitely have a knack for writing deadpan dialogue, which they'll need since it looks like BILL MURRAY is coming back, but hopefully they can make a niiiiice supernatural plotline as well. Either way, this looks like another movie I can't wait for. After THE DARK KNIGHT was over and the credits rolled i thought that nothing could build my cinematic anticipation ever again. I was wrong. Thankfully, I was wrong.

COBALT BEGINS. and SUPERMAN RETURNS AGAIN.

AT LAST, I GOT A CAR. I can finally stop worrying about getting around cause now I have a car, a swanky Cobalt. It's pretty cool, and I think everybody should get me something nice, to celebrate. AND ive stashed my long board in the trunk, in case I meet up with some friends who wanna surf, it'll probably be Jeepsus.

ALSO. WB is considering a re-re-imagining of SUPERMAN. This could work IF they have a villain other than Lex Luthor. He can be in the film of course, but not the MAIN villain. I want to see Darkseid, or Doomsday, or Brainiac. Then it could be great. AND bring back the original theme, it defined Superman and without it, he's not the same character. One of the MAJOR problems I had with SUPERMAN RETURNS was that Superman's theme was absent, it didnt have the same feel as the first two movies without it.

Why is Piccolo yellow!??

I am going to see this movie. I am. Or at least Ill try to. I also said I was going to watch SPEED RACER, but I didn't because Jesus said he walked out of it when he saw it, so I decided to pass. But I am very interested to see how DRAGONBALL translate into a 9-120 minute movie, it could prove to be difficult to condense 7+ hours of story into one film, so we'll see. But if I keep seeing CRAP like YELLOW PICCOLO, im gonna kick a hole in this computer and sue Fox. Piccolo looks like a mix of Nomak from BLADE 2 and the cave monsters from THE DESCENT. Oh well, as long as Master Roshi is still bald and horny for Bulma, all is well.