This is everybodys fault but mine.

I have a video rental card that allows me to rent videos. I don't subscribe to online movie renting sites because I'm waiting until I buy an XBOX, or until it comes to PS3 so I can just stream movies, so until then I'm just going to drive around town looking for DVD copies of movies nobody carries.

Anyways, I got a letter in the mail from my video renting place a few months ago, but it wasn't the usual ads or coupons that get sent to everybody, this was a pretty official looking letter. So I opened it. Right away I noticed the date it was sent, then I noticed the date that it actually was at that time. Somebody at my house got this letter 2 weeks earlier and never told me about it. That's fine, I wasn't that bothered, I got over it. Next I noticed the reason for the letter, a late fee notice. Ok that's cool, maybe I turned in some movies late and forgot about it.

Then I noticed the actual late fee: $265.93.

Then I noticed the titles of the movies. RUSH HOUR 3, WALL-E, and KUNG FU PANDA. I didn't rent these. But then I remembered that my sister was sick about a month before and I let her borrow my video rental card, and that I had found the movies at the house and returned them, OUT OF FEAR THAT THEY WOULD BE LATE. There must have been some mistake. I turned those movies in late, but not 4 weeks late. So I called up Bollywood Video (not the actual name, I changed it for legal reasons), and a girl picks up the phone and I explain my situation and ask if there is any way the fees can be reversed. Not only does she tell me that the fees cannot be reversed because there is no error on their part, but also that the titles in question have YET TO BE TURNED IN. So my late fees are racking up as I speak. So I say "Well, I'm PRETTY positive that I turned those movies in, could you double check?", the girl double checks and says, "Those titles have not yet been checked in and I've looked in all the night drop bins, my manager comes in tomorrow you can call back then and he might be able to help you", then I say, slyly, "Ok thanks, because I'm PRETTY POSITIVE, I turned those movies in". So as I have my phone conversation with the girl from Bollywood Video, my girlfriend, my sister, and my mom are all present to hear it all. My mom asks me what was going on. I told her "I'm pretty sure I turned in these movies but Bollywood Video is charging me for them", and my mom says "What movies?", I tell her the movies, my mom opens up our DVD drawer in the wall unit and says "Are they these?".

And much to my embarrassment, she pulls out RUSH HOUR, WALL-E, and KUNG FU PANDA.

Somebody was cleaning and mixed the BOLLYWOOD VIDEO LABELED DVDs in with our personal DVD collection. And didn't tell anybody. Way to go Family, way to go. Way to make me severely embarrass myself in front of Bollywood Video. This was everybodys fault but mine. I yelled at everybody and made my mom take my sister to return the movies that day, and I didn't call the manager the next day. I didn't call anybody back ever. In fact I've never set foot inside that particular Bollywood Video since that day. And I'm not sure that I will. Until they call me and apologize for letting my 13 year old sister rent movies under my name. At which time, I'll think about it.

Ill make an exception with this one.

I can't say that I am a fan of remakes.  But that doesnt mean that I don't enjoy them.  There are certain films that I don't think need to be remade, but there are others that I wouldnt mind watching.  Starting around 2002 many classic horror movies were starting to get remade.  Some of the movies remade were The Hills Have Eyes, Halloween, and The Texas Chain Saw Massacre.  PLATINUM DUNES is the production company that is behind most of these remakes, Texas Chain Saw Massacare, The Amityville Horror, The Hitcher, Friday the 13th, and now A Nightmare On Elm Street.

Now I havent seen all of these remakes, I thought The Amyityville Horror was genuinely scary, I wanted to see the new Friday the 13th just to see how different it was but I never did, The Hills Have Eyes freaked the hell out of me, but overall these movies did not have lasting appeal.  The horror and fear I felt, didnt last once the movie was over for me, and to me that's not very effective.  Sure there were great jump scares, frightening images, but once the movie was over I felt safe.  To me having a classic horror movie, is having something that holds you in its terror long after the movie is over, and you never really feel safe from the threat from the film.  But in a fun way.

The first time I saw the original Nightmare On Elm Street I think I was 19.  And it couldn't have been more terrifying if I had seen it when I was 6, 9, or 15.  What made this movie truly scary and effective for me was the villain Freddy Krueger and how he attacked his victims in their dreams, and the victims never really knew if they were awake or dreaming.  And that ending, after all the deaths, after all the fighting, after all the claws, fire, and blood Freddy was defeated.  Seemingly...  Until the main character wakes up and finds out, she's still dreaming, and still at the hands of Freddy Kreuger.  Classic.

About a year ago the announcement was made by Platinum Dunes that Elm Street was being remade.  Bad news.  Somewhat.  Freddy had become more comical and less frightening in more recent Elm Street movies, so restarting the entire franchise didnt seem like such a bad idea.  Then the announcement was made that the first and only actor to play Freddy Krueger, Robert Englund, would not be returning as Freddy.  Not good.  Right?  THEN it was announced that Jackie Earle Haley, who famously played Rorschach in WATCHMEN would be playing Freddy and cinematical shorts get tight everywhere.  This has by far been the best decision made by any horror movie remake ever.  Freddy is one of the few modern horror villains that speaks regularly, has an interesting and dimensional origin, and has a motive.  If this new movie can keep all those things going, and Haley knocks this one out of the park like he did with Rorschach, we could have a new horror classic.  And one that will be keep you scared everytime you go to sleep, like the first movie did.  Count me in on the Elm Street remake.  Count me in on the midnight screening.

Anyway the movie comes out next April but the teaser poster was unveiled today, and it's all at once familiar and fresh.  Check it out HERE at IGN.com.  It looks like they are going to rely on more than just jump scares and shrieking violins, and are going for genuine terror on this one.  Also, there might be some more images or maybe even some footage shown this weekend at San Diego Comic-Con, so keep your eyes peeled.  Or if not, I'm sure ill post links here.

On the evening of the WATCHMEN release...

WATCHMEN arrives on bluray and DVD tomorrow and I can't wait to get a copy.  It's gonna be a great day tomorrow, a great time wasting day.  SO until I can watch the new director's cut and offer my opinion, here are some things that have been on my mind;

EASTBOUND & DOWN is now on DVD and if you havent watched the show, YOU HAVE TO.  BUY the DVD if you can.  If you can't, buy a knife, and steal it.  It's that great of a show.  If you are a fan of Talladega Nights, Pineapple Express, or The Foot Fist Way, this is a must watch show.  Even if the first season is only about 7 episodes long, its worth every penny to hear Kenny Powers say 'I made sex to her', and 'On the reg'.

ANDY SAMBERG'S 'MOTHERLOVERS' AND FLIGHT OF THE CONCHORDS' 'CAROL BROWN' BOTH NOMINATED FOR EMMYS and if Andy Samberg wins over FOTC, I will lose faith in man.  There is NO way that FOTC cannot win this.  CAROL BROWN, and the episode it comes from, were the best of the second season, and Andy Samberg is...well Andy Samberg.  I had the pleasure of seeing FOTC live a few months ago and I can easily say its been the most entertaining show I have ever been to.  They just need the cred they deserve.

SCARLETT JOHANSSON AS BLACK WIDOW PICTURES are now online and just as I thought, ridiculous.  She looks like an awkward chubby teenager in a bad costume, add that to an actress that can't act, and we have bad news coming.  Everything about Iron Man 2 looked great until I heard she was going to be Black Widow, then the pictures came and it got worse.  I just hope she only shows up for 15 minutes of the movie, or at least all her scenes are in the dark.

'LET THE RIGHT ONE IN' UNNECESSARILY REMADE FOR U.S. THEATERS.  If you read my reviews, you'll know about a movie called LET THE RIGHT ONE IN, a Polish film about a young boy who befriends a young girl who turns out to be a vampire.  Now, me being a fan for (real, geek) vampires (not TWILIGHT, trendy, false vampires who make up their own rules) and zombies/undead in any movie, I enjoyed it very much.  Seeing as how the movie was great as it was, someone decided to make an Americanized remake, probably because they would rather spend money to make a new version in English with hip American names and corny Alt-Rock music cued juuuuuuuust right, instead of having people read subtitles.  The director of CLOVERFIELD will direct the new version re-titled "Let Me In".  I got no problems with the guy, I enjoyed CLOVERFIELD very much, but at the end of the day CLOVERFIELD was a monster movie.  No real vision or sense of directorial ownership.  In other words, the director made no difference, the movie probably would have been the same had it been directed by anybody else.  So i dont know how to feel about this director.  Could he have made CLOVERFIELD an even more important film had he injected his own personal directing style?  Did he do that already and we just cant tell because he HAS no style?  We'll just have to wait and see I guess.  All I'm saying is, why mess with something that is perfectly enjoyable as it is.

Ok, thats all for today.  I'll try to watch some more movies this week and write up some reviews, so keep looking for those.  500 DAYS OF SUMMER opens Friday, so look for a review here on that, and most likely a review of an old movie.  For fun.  

CONSEQUENCES. A PICTORIAL ESSAY.

Here are some consequences that I have recently suffered.  All the pictures included below are real and unaltered in any way, and were shot by me.

This is what you get when you order a MEDIUM drink at a place that only has LARGE and SMALL drinks on the menu.

This is what happens when you order a subscription to Electronic Gaming Monthly.

This is what you get when you order EIGHT cupcakes with only TWO people present.

This is what happens when I feel that you are drunk enough that you might throw up in my car on the way home.

PS, I added a nifty SEARCH bar to the left, so you can now search ALL my articles for content in case you need to find an article but forgot when it was posted!  And if you're me, you can recall your own damn articles yourself and not be caught off guard when somebody quotes your reviews and you don't get the reference.  Thanks to Pat for the inspiration for the new addition.

Public Enemies. A review.

I've been meaning to update my blog this week with something other than a movie review but frankly, it's been a little tough.  More articles will come, soon, so please just stay patient.  I'll try my best to write something new this week for everybody, until then here's my review for PUBLIC ENEMIES.

I'm sure you are all aware of my extreme attraction to Michael Mann's HEAT, so for that, his new film PUBLIC ENEMIES was always going to be great in my mind.  But was it?  I wouldn't say great, but it's definitely one of the more enjoyable films so far this year.

This film is certainly rich with story and characters, only they all just appear, all of a sudden.  Most of their backstories and motives are never really explained, they just are, and they just do.  Which is fine, except with a film about one of the most notorious, elusive, and mysterious criminal minds in American history, I expected a little bit more.

It seems as though the director's goal was to somewhat ground all the myths around John Dillinger and the way he lived.  And in the film, Dillinger is not as mythical and mysterious as all the stories you've heard may lead you to believe.  That's all well and good, but we needed more, we needed to see what sets Dillinger so far apart from other gangsters like Baby Face Nelson and Al Capone.  What makes him so unique that he warrants a two and a half hour movie?

The film takes place during some of the most significant events in Dillinger's life, and each event is played out so naturally, it'll feel like you are watching a documentary.  All of the standoff/gunfighting scenes feel so real, and place you so close to the action you might catch yourself flinching at some gunfire.  And though the movie is about two and a half hours long, it really felt like every scene of the movie needed to be in there.  This movie doesn't leave you with a lasting echo in your brain when it ends (like HEAT does), but it does fulfill your needs for a highly entertaining gangster epic that audiences have not seen in a long time.  And one that's truly worth seeing.