NatezBlogg | News. Blog. Nerd Alerts.

THE DORK KNIGHT RETURNS.

2010-02-18T00:16:00.000-08:00

Well, I've returned. Its been just about a month since my last article and a lot happened since then. I moved out, filed my taxes, got ZOMBIELAND and GHOSTBUSTERS on bluray, and made tacos. And then for a long time, nothing happened. BUT, there were a few notable things that happened that I'd like to share with you, and here they are;

NERDS IN PARADISE

If you know me then you know I love video games, LOVE video games. I'm kind of an event guy when it comes to games, if theres any high profile game coming out soon im involuntarily attracted to it. So theres a game called BIOSHOCK 2 that just came out, and I could not wait to play it. I loved the original BIOSHOCK and have been waiting patiently to acquire the new one. It was about 1 week away from the day it was scheduled to come out and my brother and I went to a SHMAME SHTOP to pick up a game. As I walked in I saw a promo poster for a BIOSHOCK 2 midnight release and I got excited. I'm a huge fan promotional events for releases or store openings, and useless free swag. Over the years I've attended 'Free Comic Book Day', opening day to THE PHANTOM MENACE, Gay Pride Festival, a grand opening to a MaxIt pawn shop, and plenty of parking lot events with bungie launchers and free mountain dew sponsored by radio stations. SO if I could get the game as early as possible AND possibly get free stuff, I was gonna show up. I walked over to the only person working at the game store, who happened to be a girl. A nerd girl. This girl had Nintendo tattoos all over and looked like she knew a lot about games, so naturally I let down my nerd shield and walked over to her to ask about the midnight release.

Think this, but EVERYWHERE.

SO I walk to the counter as shes ringing somebody up and answering some other nerd's question and I ask, "What's going to happen at the BIOSHOCK midnight release?". Without even looking up she says, "I don't really know..." and makes the most disgusted face. I let my nerd guard down for a girl who I thought had my back, but instead says "Hmm, I dont know, you fuuuckin nerd, you get the game then go home and ignore your girlfriend?". She didnt say that but pretty much. I hope I didnt offend her in some way by acknowledging that she worked at a video game store and asking her a question. Would've been nice if a dude had been working there to warn me that this game chick was hardcore. Oh well, I learned my lesson; no matter how convincing they may be, NEVER let your nerd guard down for any girl. Even girls who watch Heroes and play Halo. Because when you tell them you still haven't "Caught them all", or explain how SPIDER-MAN 3 was shit, or sing along to a Weird Al song and they give you that blank yet terrified look like youre gonna ask them for help loading a couch in your van then trap them in, you'll regret it, and your first edition Charizard card can't rescue from that shit. Keep your inner nerd where it belongs, tucked deeply away, like that Ruy headband I got for free with Street Fighter IV, and only revealed to those who understand. And if you see that girl at the game store who hates men, or possibly just non-Nintendo games, tell her I plan on getting a new tattoo myself...

I GET THAT A LOT

Recently I discovered that I lived next to a certain bar that has sand in it. My friends and I had been visiting this bar for a few weeks now and decided to go back one weekend. It was Me, Sabrina, Jeepsus, Nick the Ginger, and The Spear. We went to this bar with sand, and everything was going hunky dory, we were talking, drinking, people were spilling things, all was going well. Then the girls at the bar decided to take pictures in front of our table, and Jeepsus decided to photobomb them. For those who dont know, Photobombing is the art of sticking your face, dick , or leg into the background of some unsuspecting bastard's photo as they are taking it, thus bombing the photo. So Jeepsus stuck his face in the background of some dude and drunk chick taking pictures and this chick thinks its HILARIOUS. And she begins talking to Jeepsus, probably about how funny he is, so he talks to this chick for a while. Meanwhile myself, Sabrina, Nick the Ginger, and The Spear are all just kicking it at the table, waiting for Jeepsus to either get this girl to dance or make fun of her and so far neither has happened yet. Then it happens. This girl looks at our party, looks straight at me, POINTS, and says "RAYYY!!!". Of course refering to Ray Romano and my supposed likeness to him. Things almost got Snooki.

An example of things getting all "Snooki".

Don't know what getting "Snooki" means? Don't watch Jersey Shore? Me neither, so here is a different translation I think most of you will understand.

Yeah that's it. That's the image. THAT played in my brain at that moment. I have never wanted to punch a girl so bad in my life (that week). Not to say that punching a girl is ok, It's NOT. But punching a BEAST, thats a different story. I picked those two pictures for a reason, the ONLY difference between them is the background and the direction of the punches. The creature being punched remains unchanged. But worry not huckleberries, I didn't punch anybody that night. I wouldn't have even been that mad if she hadn't laughed like she had just seen Oprah Winfrey backflip onto a group of midgets painted like M&Ms, which she DID. As mad as I was, I couldnt stay mad. Because I was simply the victim of instant Karma. EXTREMELY instant Karma, almost Drive-Thru Karma. I'll Explain.

Earlier that night I had seen a dude who looked JUST like that guy on SUPERBAD who goes to some party to use the phone then gets his ass kicked. And I told EVERYBODY. I made it my mission to soft shoe around everybody at my table and alert them AT LEAST twice about the dude from SUPERBAD who was at our very own bar with sand in it. I may or may not or may have also sneaked a picture of him to prove to my friends that he existed. So when I remembered all that, it was impossible for me to stay mad at drunk girl because I had just done the same thing that very night. And I'm sure she didn't mean any harm by it, she was drunk and excited, and possibly high. But still, I'll always remember that night as the night I almost successfully Hadukened for the first time in human history, at the bar with sand.

Until next time...

500 Days Of Spider-Man

2010-01-19T20:21:00.000-08:00

It started like this; Sam Raimi, the director of the first 2 SPIDER-MAN movies, was given the chance to direct SPIDER-MAN 3, logically. So he accepted, and wanted the villains to be Sandman and Hobgoblin. Well Sony, the studio who owns SPIDER-MAN wanted the main villain to be VENOM, kind like the rest of the fans. Raimi protested, and admitted that he was not a fan of Venom as a villain and did not think he could properly translate him to film. Sony didn't care. So against his will Raimi worked VENOM/Eddie Brock into the story, while still keeping his own two villains in tact. Well this imposed a struggle upon Raimi, trying to make a film that he wanted to make, and at the same time keep it from becoming a movie he DID NOT want to make. Well, we got SPIDER-MAN 3. Due to the strong negative opinions of fans, Raimi decided to never put himself in that situation again. That he would only make a movie if his whole heart was in it, and not battle with the studio and producers to keep his film from becoming somebody elses.

Well Sony wanted to make SPIDER-MAN 4, and offered Sam Raimi the job. Rami agreed, seeing this as an opportunity to make a new SM movie that can make up for what he did in SM3. Then Sony played the same crap and had all these provisions Raimi had to follow in order to make the movie, and Raimi quit. And so did Tobey Maguire, Kirsten Dunst, and everybody else that was involved with the film.

Sony made the quick decision to rewrite the already written script into a 'reboot' of the franchise and hire an all new cast and crew to start SPIDER-MAN fresh. And today Mark Webb, director of this summer's surprise success 500 DAYS OF SUMMER, signed on to direct THE NEXT 3 SPIDER-MAN MOVIES. Is this good? Is this bad? A little of both, but for now, I'm leaning on the good. Although I personally didn't enjoy 500 DOS as much as everybody else, but it had solid direction. Visually it was very impressive, even marvelous they way everything looked and how certain scenes were handled. Webb has a way of bringing out those 'odd' emotions that aren't as standard as 'happy' and 'sad'. But at the same time, the man has little to no experience with action scenes, and some of the most amazing action scenes came from the Spider-Man movies.

It's rumored (and assumed) that Sony is going with a 'Batman Begins' style reboot. Hopefully that DOESNT mean that it will be a real world, gritty, serious drama and instead means that they develop the characters and then reveal the superhero half way during the movie. Whether we get a good or bad movie, we will definitely get a fresh Spider-Man movie under a talented up and coming director, and a superhero movie that I can't wait to see.

In Case You Missed It: ED WOOD

2009-11-17T15:05:00.000-08:00

TIM BURTON. The man behind BEETLEJUICE, EDWARD SCISSORHANDS, and BATMAN, to name a few, made a movie in 1994 called ED WOOD about a man named Edward D. Wood Jr.. Most people have never heard of the movie because they never heard of the man. Well, Ed Wood was a director who made some of the worst movies of all time. How can they be that bad? Go on YOUTUBE and search 'PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE' and you find out.

The movie ED WOOD focuses on Wood as he makes his first movie, GLEN OR GLENDA and eventually makes his most famous film, PLAN 9. The movie stars Johnny Depp and Martin Landau. Lets start there.

Johnny Depp stars as Ed Wood, a man who is doing odd jobs to make a living in hopes to one day live his dream and become a film director. Martin Landau stars as infamous actor Bela Lugosi, who you know as DRACULA.

Ed Wood, like many of us, has one person that he considers his hero. One person that he idolizes. That person is Orson Welles. Welles is one of the greatest directors of all time, and changed movies forever when he made CITIZEN KANE in 1941. Welles was 26 years old. At the time of the movie Ed Wood is just over 30, and hasn't made a movie yet. By chance and good luck, Wood gets to direct a cheap B movie for a sleazy studio and it sets Wood on his path of movie directing. Johnny Depp plays Wood as a very eager, optimistic man who talks like he knows what to do, but hasn't a clue. Wood simply doesn't have talent, but somehow can talk his way into getting big actors and big budgets to get the ball rolling on each new film he conjures. No matter how absurd the plot (and titles) of his films, they get made, and released. He even befriends and directs Bela Lugosi, who's role as DRACULA cemented his fame as Hollywood gold forever. Wood also has a very peculiar personality trait that is at the center of the film that I wont discuss because it takes away from the experience, but when you see it, you'll know what it is.

Just as much as this movie is about Ed Wood, its about Bela Lugosi. Well, the final years of Bela Lugosi. When Wood meets Lugosi, he is living in a small home in California and all but done making movies, mostly because nobody will hire him. Wood, incessantly amazed by Lugosi and his acting, gives him roles in his films which makes Lugosi rediscover his confidence and talent. Martin Landau got an Oscar for this film and he deserved it. If you didn't know before seeing the movie that this was Landau, you would have never known. He perfectly captures all of Lugosi's mannerisms and speech patterns to become him in this film, but never makes him a 'character', he portrays him as the man he was. Even if it seems slightly odd, thats the man Lugosi was. I honestly think that you will feel more for Bela Lugosi than Ed Wood in this movie, and thats not a bad thing.

This movie looks like it was filmed in the 1960s. All the lighting, sets, costumes, and music have the feeling like it was filmed during the time of the movie, the lighting especially in Bela Lugosi's house looks like he lives in a 1960's horror movie. Yet somehow it looks and feels like a Burton movie. That's maybe due to Tim Burton ALREADY having movies that look like they're from another time, at least this one is the most practical. In its own weird way, ED WOOD is about living your dream no matter how strange or impractical. Following in the footsteps of his idol Ed Wood makes movies that he created and he makes them his own way. Despite having little to no talent, struggling to find money and actors, and ultimately creating laughably bad movies, he did exactly what he wanted to and he was happy with that. ED WOOD shows you that one way or another, you can never give up living your dream.

TRAILERS: CLASH OF THE TITANS; KICK-ASS; AVATAR

2009-11-17T13:36:00.000-08:00

CLASH OF THE TITANS; IGN.COM

This is an remake of a classic stop-motion/live-action movie by Ray Harryhausen. Usually when movies like this, that are remakes of classics, only bad news follows. But when actors like Sam Worthington (the only good part of Terminator Salvation) and Liam Neeson (whos occupations include Jedi, Darkman, Batman mentor, and lion. To name a few.) are set to star, then THIS trailer comes out, something good is bound to come of it. In the short trailer you see a great deal of special effects and don't really get to know so much about the story, but what do you really need to know? Sam Worthington fights Greek gods, and epic doses of awesome occur, thats it. Maybe I just have a weak spot for Greek Mythology, but by the looks of this early trailer, people should really dig this movie.

KICK-ASS; TRAILERADDICT.COM

A comic-book based movie, believe it or not. Kick-Ass looks kinda like a cross between GHOST WORLD and WATCHMEN, in terms of style anyway. Hopefully people won't be too

worn out by superhero movies yet because this movie looks like a breath of fresh air. Half comedy/half violence KICK-ASS shows what it's like when people decide to become superheroes in the real world, with no powers but (seemingly) real villains. Our hero looks battered and bloody as he receives beatings as equal as he gives them, maybe signaling that this movie will be more on the 'real world' side of being a faux crime fighter.

AVATAR; APPLE.COM

THIS IS the trailer you need to see if you don't have any desire to see this film, because afterwards you will. This trailer offers more about the plot within AVATAR's much hyped special effects, which as I said before is at its core "Pocahontas In Space". And also you get to see some James Cameron trademarks that make its way into this film; a strong female soldier (actually 2 this time), a corporation bent on its own self survival, a conflicted main character, and of course, a relationship that probably shouldn't be going on.

Most of the hype around this movie has been contained within the internet, where it almost always is, and the commercials on TV are specifically made for audiences (TV ads during last weeks football games only had war scenes in them, ads during prime-time shows had more romantic scenes) to showcase that this film will have something for everyone. Im gonna go with the TV ads on this one, by the looks of this trailer the movie can be enjoyed on a lot of levels. Will it be the greatest movie event ever? Probably not, but who cares. This is still a movie to be excited for, and the last big movie event of the year. ILL be there at IMAX on opening weekend.

The Last Man On Earth (To Get Netflix)

2009-11-16T17:29:00.000-08:00

WOAH. Sorry for the delay. First let me explain, I finally got NETFLIX and I have it streaming to my PS3, and it's AWESOME. I know I'm probably the last person in civilization to get it, but it wont stop me from singing it's praises. That all ties into this because now I'll have more old movie reviews written quicker, which by the way im changing the article title from "Movies You Haven't Seen" to "In Case You Missed It", it just sounds nicer.

Also, I've been working on a writing project that I will post on this blog VERY soon, I'm just making final edits and trying to think of an appropriate title. Once all that's done, it'll be posted right here for all to enjoy, at which time I'll fully explain what it is exactly. So, thanks to all my readers for being patient and checking the blog for new updates while I've been away from it working on stuff. It always makes me feel good when someone tells me that they enjoyed something that I've written, or when someone reminds me to update with a new article. Updates are coming, for serious this time.

NEW REVIEWS!

2009-10-06T00:42:00.000-07:00

HELLO, this weekend I was able to see 4 different movies in 3 different days (I'm counting the Toy Story double feature as 2 different movies). So check out the reviews below and let me know if you agree or disagree, I wrote full reviews for PARANORMAL ACTIVITY and ZOMBIELAND that you can read in the articles below, but here I'll write a mini-review of TS1&2 because I'm almost positive EVERYBODY has already seen them both...

TOY STORY DOUBLE FEATURE in 3D. A QUICK REVIEW.

A double feature in 3D that shouldn't be missed. These movies are great because it is the epitome of the Disney film, it makes you feel like a kid again. The 3D isn't anything groundbreaking, although it does add an interesting depth of field and really puts all the characters into perspective as toys in a giant environment. Also seeing both movies back to back, there is a very noticeable difference in the CG in the movie, TS2 looks much more real by adding imperfections to all the toy characters, be it dirt stains, fading paint, or pinstripe hair lines they all add to the realism of what children's toys actually look like. If you can stand wearing 3D glasses and sitting next to 150 kids for almost 3 hours, this is definitely a excellent chance to rediscover 2 movies you forgot you enjoyed so much.

ZOMBIELAND, A REVIEW.

2009-10-06T00:03:00.000-07:00

ZOMBIELAND is an odd mix of film that surprisingly works. When its funny, its FUNNY, when its scary, ITS GRUESOME. The story follows a group of people wandering in a world that is infested by zombies somehow. What's good is that the story doesn't waste time trying to explain HOW all this came about, it instead uses that time to show how the characters have adapted to this new zombie world. Because really when the first 4 minutes of the movie show a woman getting attacked by zombies and being launched from her car, smashing her face on the pavement and scraping across 8 feet of asphalt, you dont really care about the reasoning behind it.

The plot of the movie is kinda thin, the real reason for watching this movie is the characters. Each character offers up their own solutions for dealing with life in ZOMBIELAND, and thats where the story comes from. The characters are far more interesting and funny than the actual storyline ever could be. We find out what each person lost, and what each person is looking for, and thats the real story here, not the semi-road trip plot that the movie almost goes into.

Also there is an absolutely fantastic, hilarious, and geektastic surprise in the movie that I will not say anything more about other than that. If you see this movie knowing more than that, when it happens, you will be angry with yourself if you knew about it beforehand. And trust me, when it happens you'll know exactly what im talking about.

PARANORMAL ACTIVITY, A REVIEW.

2009-10-05T23:42:00.000-07:00

When I saw the trailer for this movie a few weeks ago, I though I had a good idea about what I was going to see in the theater. I was wrong. In a rare move (I hope movie studios take note of this) the trailer DOESN'T give away every single scene in the movie, and for a horror movie like this it's best to know as little as possible before watching.

Now I won't get too much into the story, but it's the story of a couple that experiences strange happenings in their home so they decide to buy a video camera and record the goings on in their home while they sleep. Then things get weird.

The real thrill comes from the suspense. Each night that the couple records their home, the suspense and anxiety increases exponentially until the final act, which is so unsettling and horrific it'll disturb you long after the movie is over. The scares in this movie target your mind more than anything you have recently seen. This movie really works with the fundamental fears that everybody has; the unknown. Because you NEVER know what you're seeing, or what you might see, or what you THOUGHT you saw when you watch this movie. I have always wanted to see a movie that proves that what you see is never HALF as scary as what you don't. And I finally saw that movie.

This movie gets a wider release this weekend so if you are a fan of horror movies YOU NEED TO SEE THIS MOVIE. You might even see me there checking out again, I won't be any less scared even though I've already seen it. Thats how effective it is.

MARK MY WORDS, VOL. III

2009-09-28T20:43:00.000-07:00

It's been a little over a year since THE DARK KNIGHT came out in theaters, and since then people have been praising Heath Ledger for his role as The Joker. And since the movie opened many people are wondering what's going to happen in the next BATMAN movie regarding the Joker. Personally I think, the way TDK ended and the way Batman and Joker were matched so perfectly, that it would be just unacceptable to have the Joker left out of the next movie. They will likely explain his absence in a quick explanation, or just leave him out of the movie without any mention whatsoever (like Nightcrawler in X-Men 3), but either way they WILL not show him on screen. Unless what I predict comes true; one of these two actors will be cast as the JOKER in the next BATMAN MOVIE. I'll explain...

MICHAEL SHANNON

Michael Shannon was actually lost an Oscar to Heath Ledger, but it was a very close call in my opinion. Michael Shannon was nominated for his portrayal in a movie called REVOLUTIONARY ROAD, and the entire time I was watching it, I was waiting for his character to come back on the screen. In a way, his character was the "Joker" in his own movie. He was the only character who didn't lie about the kind of person he was and was not afraid to show his true self no matter how disturbing.

WHY HE'LL GET THE PART: Oscar Nomination. It's a lock that he will no doubt knock it out of the park with his performance, you only need to see REVOLUTIONARY ROAD once to agree with me. And with many film and stage credits to his name, he's got plenty of range to pull off many different faces.

WHY HE WONT GET THE PART: TDK director Christopher Nolan, for the most part, seems to like to cast people he's worked with before, which brings me to...

JOSEPH GORDON-LEVITT

Yup, Mr. ANGELS IN THE OUTFIELD himself. G-L has been on the rise lately, starring in two movies this summer, one that you maybe have seen (GI JOE), and one you maybe should have seen instead (500 DAYS OF SUMMER). G-L has been trying to spread his acting wings in past films with roles in BRICK, and STOP-LOSS, but he has yet to have one defining, career making, breakthrough performance. Next summer you will be able to seem him (in some way) in Christopher Nolan's INCEPTION that nobody seems to know anything about, but seeing as how everybody that has a role in any Nolan movie ends up getting critical acclaim for their performances, this could be G-Ls home-run.

WHY HE'LL GET THE PART: Nolan will most likely want to work with previous cast members, and if anybody can pull a great acting job out of anybody, its Nolan. And though not the same build as Ledger, he's got the facial resemblance. Just look at that picture, its almost at a creepy, chill inducing level the way he reminds you of Ledger.

WHY HE WONT GET THE PART: Again, though a good actor, G-L has yet to prove himself as an outstanding actor in a breakthrough role. And there is a chance that he doesn't exactly 'wow' Nolan enough to keep him for a new project.

WHO GETS THE PART?:

JOSEPH GORDON-LEVITT

Again, though not GREAT, he has the potential. And I think that Nolan is the man who can make him great. I can easily see Nolan casting JG-L for the role of Joker only to keep his presence in the franchise and not dismiss such a vital and iconic character. I can see the role/screentime of the Joker slimmed down considerably for the next Batman movie though, only providing closure to the open ending of TDK, I don't see him being more present than that, it might be subject to much protest if a non-Ledger Joker is on screen for too long.

So there's my prediction, Joseph Gordon-Levitt is the Joker in BATMAN 3. Mark my words.

PARANORMAL ACTIVITY TRAILER.

2009-09-22T14:55:00.000-07:00

A while back in my apartment, we had some trouble with strange occurrences. Our lamp would just turn off and on whenever it felt like it. One night our bathroom cabinet under our sink opened and slammed itself shut. My girlfriend heard knocking on the bathroom door while she was in the shower, and nobody was in the room. Lots of weird stuff. Well one night my girlfriend made the suggestion that we put salt on the countertops and set up a video camera while we slept, in hopes to capture any mischievous entities that may or may not have been visiting us throughout the night. I had no desire to do such a thing. I pussed out. I would never have agreed to film, much less WATCH, such a thing, strictly because I would be too terrified at what I would have seen.

Well somebody else did it and made a movie out of it. And it looks great. And I'm sure they're going to make an obscene amount of money. If only my girlfriend would have told me that it would have been a great idea for a MOVIE, instead of an experimental thing, I'm sure I would be rich now. Better luck next time, I guess.

Anyway heres the link to the trailer, check it out if you're a fan of scary movies. This movie looks like its gonna offer LOTS more than just jump scares, looks like something genuinely terrifying and disturbing. I was scared all night after just watching the TRAILER, imagine how bad it'll be when I'm able to watch the whole thing.

paranormalmovie.com/trailer.html Go there and 'DEMAND IT' to get the movie to play here in Tempe/Phoenix, cause right now its only playing in Tucson.

RETURNS. AGAIN.

2009-09-21T20:40:00.000-07:00

HELLO, AND SORRY. It's been quite a while since I've written an article, but I had some major life hurdles to hurdle over, and hurdle I have. So I will work hard to attribute much more entries into my blog of ever-expanding topics, for your enjoyment and mine. I am working on a few articles as I write this post so keep an eye out for those in the coming weeks, in the mean time heres a quick recap of things I didnt get to write about during my absence;

--QUICK MOVIE REVIEWS; 500 DAYS OF SUMMER -Didn't float my boat; GI JOE -Cobra Commander and Snake Eyes were the best parts of the movie; DISTRICT 9 -INCREDIBLE; UP-Pixar's most real, mature movie yet, and maybe the best.

--Frequent visits to comsumerist.com will help you every time, trust me...

--Office pranks are HILARIOUS! All you need is glue, coins, access to google, and some poor sucker's passwords...

--JAMES CAMERON'S AVATAR movie trailer didnt rock. It's bad news if your movie's money shot is a space lion.

--CHRISTOPHER NOLAN'S INCEPTION movie trailer DID rock.

--I really dig the new TOY STORY 3 teaser poster. Instead of putting all the characters in the poster with a sunny background, its just a giant stylized '3' behind a black background and the tagline "NO TOY GETS LEFT BEHIND". PIXAR is doing the right thing by marketing this thing towards an older audience, because most of the kids who saw the first two movies are pretty much grown up now. Hell, I was like 9 when the first movie came out.

I'll be back soon with some new trailer reviews...

This is everybodys fault but mine.

2009-07-28T21:54:00.000-07:00

I have a video rental card that allows me to rent videos. I don't subscribe to online movie renting sites because I'm waiting until I buy an XBOX, or until it comes to PS3 so I can just stream movies, so until then I'm just going to drive around town looking for DVD copies of movies nobody carries.

Anyways, I got a letter in the mail from my video renting place a few months ago, but it wasn't the usual ads or coupons that get sent to everybody, this was a pretty official looking letter. So I opened it. Right away I noticed the date it was sent, then I noticed the date that it actually was at that time. Somebody at my house got this letter 2 weeks earlier and never told me about it. That's fine, I wasn't that bothered, I got over it. Next I noticed the reason for the letter, a late fee notice. Ok that's cool, maybe I turned in some movies late and forgot about it.

Then I noticed the actual late fee: $265.93.

Then I noticed the titles of the movies. RUSH HOUR 3, WALL-E, and KUNG FU PANDA. I didn't rent these. But then I remembered that my sister was sick about a month before and I let her borrow my video rental card, and that I had found the movies at the house and returned them, OUT OF FEAR THAT THEY WOULD BE LATE. There must have been some mistake. I turned those movies in late, but not 4 weeks late. So I called up Bollywood Video (not the actual name, I changed it for legal reasons), and a girl picks up the phone and I explain my situation and ask if there is any way the fees can be reversed. Not only does she tell me that the fees cannot be reversed because there is no error on their part, but also that the titles in question have YET TO BE TURNED IN. So my late fees are racking up as I speak. So I say "Well, I'm PRETTY positive that I turned those movies in, could you double check?", the girl double checks and says, "Those titles have not yet been checked in and I've looked in all the night drop bins, my manager comes in tomorrow you can call back then and he might be able to help you", then I say, slyly, "Ok thanks, because I'm PRETTY POSITIVE, I turned those movies in". So as I have my phone conversation with the girl from Bollywood Video, my girlfriend, my sister, and my mom are all present to hear it all. My mom asks me what was going on. I told her "I'm pretty sure I turned in these movies but Bollywood Video is charging me for them", and my mom says "What movies?", I tell her the movies, my mom opens up our DVD drawer in the wall unit and says "Are they these?".

And much to my embarrassment, she pulls out RUSH HOUR, WALL-E, and KUNG FU PANDA.

Somebody was cleaning and mixed the BOLLYWOOD VIDEO LABELED DVDs in with our personal DVD collection. And didn't tell anybody. Way to go Family, way to go. Way to make me severely embarrass myself in front of Bollywood Video. This was everybodys fault but mine. I yelled at everybody and made my mom take my sister to return the movies that day, and I didn't call the manager the next day. I didn't call anybody back ever. In fact I've never set foot inside that particular Bollywood Video since that day. And I'm not sure that I will. Until they call me and apologize for letting my 13 year old sister rent movies under my name. At which time, I'll think about it.

Ill make an exception with this one.

2009-07-22T23:11:00.001-07:00

I can't say that I am a fan of remakes. But that doesnt mean that I don't enjoy them. There are certain films that I don't think need to be remade, but there are others that I wouldnt mind watching. Starting around 2002 many classic horror movies were starting to get remade. Some of the movies remade were The Hills Have Eyes, Halloween, and The Texas Chain Saw Massacre. PLATINUM DUNES is the production company that is behind most of these remakes, Texas Chain Saw Massacare, The Amityville Horror, The Hitcher, Friday the 13th, and now A Nightmare On Elm Street.

Now I havent seen all of these remakes, I thought The Amyityville Horror was genuinely scary, I wanted to see the new Friday the 13th just to see how different it was but I never did, The Hills Have Eyes freaked the hell out of me, but overall these movies did not have lasting appeal. The horror and fear I felt, didnt last once the movie was over for me, and to me that's not very effective. Sure there were great jump scares, frightening images, but once the movie was over I felt safe. To me having a classic horror movie, is having something that holds you in its terror long after the movie is over, and you never really feel safe from the threat from the film. But in a fun way.

The first time I saw the original Nightmare On Elm Street I think I was 19. And it couldn't have been more terrifying if I had seen it when I was 6, 9, or 15. What made this movie truly scary and effective for me was the villain Freddy Krueger and how he attacked his victims in their dreams, and the victims never really knew if they were awake or dreaming. And that ending, after all the deaths, after all the fighting, after all the claws, fire, and blood Freddy was defeated. Seemingly... Until the main character wakes up and finds out, she's still dreaming, and still at the hands of Freddy Kreuger. Classic.

About a year ago the announcement was made by Platinum Dunes that Elm Street was being remade. Bad news. Somewhat. Freddy had become more comical and less frightening in more recent Elm Street movies, so restarting the entire franchise didnt seem like such a bad idea. Then the announcement was made that the first and only actor to play Freddy Krueger, Robert Englund, would not be returning as Freddy. Not good. Right? THEN it was announced that Jackie Earle Haley, who famously played Rorschach in WATCHMEN would be playing Freddy and cinematical shorts get tight everywhere. This has by far been the best decision made by any horror movie remake ever. Freddy is one of the few modern horror villains that speaks regularly, has an interesting and dimensional origin, and has a motive. If this new movie can keep all those things going, and Haley knocks this one out of the park like he did with Rorschach, we could have a new horror classic. And one that will be keep you scared everytime you go to sleep, like the first movie did. Count me in on the Elm Street remake. Count me in on the midnight screening.

Anyway the movie comes out next April but the teaser poster was unveiled today, and it's all at once familiar and fresh. Check it out HERE at IGN.com. It looks like they are going to rely on more than just jump scares and shrieking violins, and are going for genuine terror on this one. Also, there might be some more images or maybe even some footage shown this weekend at San Diego Comic-Con, so keep your eyes peeled. Or if not, I'm sure ill post links here.

On the evening of the WATCHMEN release...

2009-07-20T23:30:00.000-07:00

WATCHMEN arrives on bluray and DVD tomorrow and I can't wait to get a copy. It's gonna be a great day tomorrow, a great time wasting day. SO until I can watch the new director's cut and offer my opinion, here are some things that have been on my mind;

EASTBOUND & DOWN is now on DVD and if you havent watched the show, YOU HAVE TO. BUY the DVD if you can. If you can't, buy a knife, and steal it. It's that great of a show. If you are a fan of Talladega Nights, Pineapple Express, or The Foot Fist Way, this is a must watch show. Even if the first season is only about 7 episodes long, its worth every penny to hear Kenny Powers say 'I made sex to her', and 'On the reg'.

ANDY SAMBERG'S 'MOTHERLOVERS' AND FLIGHT OF THE CONCHORDS' 'CAROL BROWN' BOTH NOMINATED FOR EMMYS and if Andy Samberg wins over FOTC, I will lose faith in man. There is NO way that FOTC cannot win this. CAROL BROWN, and the episode it comes from, were the best of the second season, and Andy Samberg is...well Andy Samberg. I had the pleasure of seeing FOTC live a few months ago and I can easily say its been the most entertaining show I have ever been to. They just need the cred they deserve.

SCARLETT JOHANSSON AS BLACK WIDOW PICTURES are now online and just as I thought, ridiculous. She looks like an awkward chubby teenager in a bad costume, add that to an actress that can't act, and we have bad news coming. Everything about Iron Man 2 looked great until I heard she was going to be Black Widow, then the pictures came and it got worse. I just hope she only shows up for 15 minutes of the movie, or at least all her scenes are in the dark.

'LET THE RIGHT ONE IN' UNNECESSARILY REMADE FOR U.S. THEATERS. If you read my reviews, you'll know about a movie called LET THE RIGHT ONE IN, a Polish film about a young boy who befriends a young girl who turns out to be a vampire. Now, me being a fan for (real, geek) vampires (not TWILIGHT, trendy, false vampires who make up their own rules) and zombies/undead in any movie, I enjoyed it very much. Seeing as how the movie was great as it was, someone decided to make an Americanized remake, probably because they would rather spend money to make a new version in English with hip American names and corny Alt-Rock music cued juuuuuuuust right, instead of having people read subtitles. The director of CLOVERFIELD will direct the new version re-titled "Let Me In". I got no problems with the guy, I enjoyed CLOVERFIELD very much, but at the end of the day CLOVERFIELD was a monster movie. No real vision or sense of directorial ownership. In other words, the director made no difference, the movie probably would have been the same had it been directed by anybody else. So i dont know how to feel about this director. Could he have made CLOVERFIELD an even more important film had he injected his own personal directing style? Did he do that already and we just cant tell because he HAS no style? We'll just have to wait and see I guess. All I'm saying is, why mess with something that is perfectly enjoyable as it is.

Ok, thats all for today. I'll try to watch some more movies this week and write up some reviews, so keep looking for those. 500 DAYS OF SUMMER opens Friday, so look for a review here on that, and most likely a review of an old movie. For fun.

CONSEQUENCES. A PICTORIAL ESSAY.

2009-07-02T00:29:00.000-07:00

Here are some consequences that I have recently suffered. All the pictures included below are real and unaltered in any way, and were shot by me.

This is what you get when you order a MEDIUM drink at a place that only has LARGE and SMALL drinks on the menu.

This is what happens when you order a subscription to Electronic Gaming Monthly.

This is what you get when you order EIGHT cupcakes with only TWO people present.

This is what happens when I feel that you are drunk enough that you might throw up in my car on the way home.

PS, I added a nifty SEARCH bar to the left, so you can now search ALL my articles for content in case you need to find an article but forgot when it was posted! And if you're me, you can recall your own damn articles yourself and not be caught off guard when somebody quotes your reviews and you don't get the reference. Thanks to Pat for the inspiration for the new addition.

Public Enemies. A review.

2009-07-01T23:17:00.000-07:00

I've been meaning to update my blog this week with something other than a movie review but frankly, it's been a little tough. More articles will come, soon, so please just stay patient. I'll try my best to write something new this week for everybody, until then here's my review for PUBLIC ENEMIES.

I'm sure you are all aware of my extreme attraction to Michael Mann's HEAT, so for that, his new film PUBLIC ENEMIES was always going to be great in my mind. But was it? I wouldn't say great, but it's definitely one of the more enjoyable films so far this year.

This film is certainly rich with story and characters, only they all just appear, all of a sudden. Most of their backstories and motives are never really explained, they just are, and they just do. Which is fine, except with a film about one of the most notorious, elusive, and mysterious criminal minds in American history, I expected a little bit more.

It seems as though the director's goal was to somewhat ground all the myths around John Dillinger and the way he lived. And in the film, Dillinger is not as mythical and mysterious as all the stories you've heard may lead you to believe. That's all well and good, but we needed more, we needed to see what sets Dillinger so far apart from other gangsters like Baby Face Nelson and Al Capone. What makes him so unique that he warrants a two and a half hour movie?

The film takes place during some of the most significant events in Dillinger's life, and each event is played out so naturally, it'll feel like you are watching a documentary. All of the standoff/gunfighting scenes feel so real, and place you so close to the action you might catch yourself flinching at some gunfire. And though the movie is about two and a half hours long, it really felt like every scene of the movie needed to be in there. This movie doesn't leave you with a lasting echo in your brain when it ends (like HEAT does), but it does fulfill your needs for a highly entertaining gangster epic that audiences have not seen in a long time. And one that's truly worth seeing.

Oh no you di'int. A review.

2009-06-24T21:51:00.000-07:00

A strange thing happened to me when I was watching Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. I wanted to leave.

It wasn't immediately, though. It came later on, when the comic relief became so excruciating that I thought to myself 'nothing has been, or probably will be, so severely cool that I need to sit through this'. And had it not been 2AM on a Tuesday, I might have left. But I didn't.

I am not writing my review with the intentions that you will not see this move, even though nothing I can write will keep ANYBODY from watching this movie because it is so greatly anticipated, I am merely writing it to help you set your expectations.

First off I LOVED the first Transformers movie. Many people criticize the first movie because its story and plot weren't as high a caliber as it could have been, but so what. This was the first live action Transformers ever, it could have been Optimus Prime tuning a violin for 3 hours and I would have loved it along with everybody else. So for the first movie, they could get away with that stuff. They thought they could commit the same crime twice with Transformers 2 and get away with it but they couldn't. Despite its flaws I liked Transformers 2, just not as much as the first movie, which I hold as the superior Transformers movie. I won't go too much into the plot and spoilers but I will say a a few things that made me want to leave the theater; 1. The main villain is supposed to be so evil and powerful, but he DOESNT DO ANYTHING until the very end. 2. There are two new 'twin' Autobots that are so transparently racially stereotypical its painful to watch, and they are supposed to be the comic relief. NOBODY in the theater laughed when they were on screen, and I could feel the entire audience collectively cringe at once everytime they spoke. 3. WAY too much time is spent with the human characters, and they all are just shouting goofy one-liners. ALL of them. If they had cut 50% of these scenes and turned them into dialogue and interaction within the Autobot team, this would have been one amazing Transformers movie. And one that would have been hard to top. I could go on, but I try to stay positive, and since this is a Transformers movie, it gets special treatment.

BUT, there were parts that were just plain awesome. The fight scenes are 10x better than the first movie, and there were a few moments in the movie where I literally threw my arms up and cheered, much to the dismay of my girlfriend who was sitting next to me. One of the gem/fanboy scenes that were included were scenes of bickering between Megatron and Starscream. At one point Megatron actually pushes Starscream to the ground and stomps the hell out of him. Great additions.

When Transformers Revenge of the Fallen is good, its WAY GOOD. But when it's bad, you're going to have to challenge yourself to sit through it. And it's going to be a tough challenge. But if you have the strength, you're in for a giant ride. All the things that Transformers fans could want is in this movie, but you have to fight through a lot of excess to reach it.

Fair Deal.

2009-06-16T18:22:00.000-07:00

OK, so as you know, as you should have read on my blog, my favorite magazine EGM (Electronic Gaming Montly) was shut down abruptly leaving myself and hundreds of others out to dry. And like myself, hundreds of others still had issues due to them as part of their paid subscription, I think I had at least 6 months left in my subscription when the mag went under. Well, good news comes today that all remaining issues due to EGM subscribers will be sent to them...in the form of issues of MAXIM. Thats right, they are going to reimburse my subscription with MAXIM magazines. This makes sense, I'm going to make a wild guess and say that a vast majority of the readers of EGM were males 16-25 which would be the target audience of MAXIM, and they are both owned by the same publisher. Cool, sounds fair to me, sounds better than being paid out $5.27, since I only paid $9.99 for an entire years subscription. Only thing is my subscription was sent to my mom's house...boy will she get an awkward surprise when she checks the mail this week. And the next 5 or 6 months.

DELAY/PROJECT TZC-001

2009-06-15T10:27:00.001-07:00

FIRST, I apologize for keeping this space vacant for quite a while now. I sort have been skipping over my blog for a few weeks in favor of facebook. My bad. Well, I'm back now and I can only say that the absence of articles wasn't for nothing. For the past couple of weeks/currently I am working on a top secret project that I cannot yet reveal. Rest assured I'll be dropping some clues and info to you all when I am able to, right here on the blog. For now lets just call the project TZC-001. All I can say at this time is check out my Zazzle store, it might have some...items of foreshadowing. And no, the Zazzle store is NOT the project. Thats just something I do for fun and out of spite.

E3 DAY ONE: MICROSOFT CONFERENCE

2009-06-01T11:19:00.000-07:00

DAY ONE at E3, no I'm not there, I'm at home watching the G4 coverage live. Today is the Microsoft Conference, tomorrow will be Sony and Nintendo. I am a little biased because I don't own an X360, but thats not to say I don't like the console. I just don't own one. So I apologize if some of the games mentioned don't sound too exciting, I'm sure they are fine but I more than likely wont be playing them. Please also visit some of the gaming sites that I read, to get different opinions on todays announcements, and in case I forgot some games or announcements:

1UP.COM

IGN.COM

BITMOB.COM

GAMESPOT.COM

THE GAMES:

BEATLES ROCK BAND; VIDEO/DEMO. The conf. opened with the opening cinematic from The Beatles RB which looked amazing.

MODERN WARFARE 2; VIDEO/DEMO. Gameplay in a snow environment.

JOYRIDE; VIDEO. XBLA download, uses avatars to race in a Wacky Racers/Crash Team Racing style racing game.

TONY HAWK RIDE; VIDEO. Gameplay includes using a skateboard peripheral that is similar to the Wii Balance Board.

FORZA MOTORSPORT 3; VIDEO.

FINAL FANTASY XIII; VIDEO/DEMO.

SPLINTER CELL CONVICTION; VIDEO.

LEFT 4 DEAD 2; VIDEO.

HALO 3 ODST; VIDEO/DEMO. Essentially Halo 3 but played as an ODST instead of a Spartan, so you have access to different tech such as visors and weapons. It is a breath of fresh for sure, but I'm not sure how long the sensation will last, since the game is set right before Halo 3, it seems like you wont be treading any new waters.

HALO REACH; VIDEO. Multiplayer Beta available with purchase of Halo ODST. HALO Prequel.

ALAN WAKE; VIDEO/DEMO. Survival horror only with a novelist as the main character. Looks very good, very scary.

XBOX LIVE:

LAST.FM ON XBOX LIVE. Seems cool but if you have an ipod touch/iphone and a good sound system, kinda useless.

NETFLIX ON XBOX LIVE.

ZUNE VIDEO. 1080P VIDEOS, no downloading necessary, instant stream to console, THE DARK KNIGHT was demoed.

FACEBOOK. Post in-game screenshots straight to Facebook.

TWITTER. WHY DID THIS GET A BIGGER RESPONSE THAN FACEBOOK?? Just stupid.

! METAL GEAR SOLID ! METAL GEAR SOLID RISING ANNOUNCED. Yes, it's on Xbox 360. Starring Raiden.

YOU ARE THE CONTROLLER - Project Natal.

Video. IMPRESSIVE. Uses full body motion capture to control games and applications. A sensor bar similar to the Wii sensor bar is mounted near the tv and captures the players movement. Tech demos in the video included a fighting game, racing game, game show game that showed off voice recognition. They even showed off a girl talking to her friend through XBLA and dressing themselves like on Clueless. The technology can be used to simply scroll through the XBOX360 menus, movies just by sliding your hand. SPIELBERG shows up and reveals that HE HIMSELF is involved with Project Natal, has been for 10 years!!?! In his own words "its not about reinventing the wheel, its about no wheel at all..." This technology could be the nail in the Wii coffin...

The demo plays... Facial recognition signs the user into their account. MOST IMPRESSIVE. Demo of 'Ricochet', dodging on screen balls using full body control, are able to move in a fully 3D space, moving forward or backward.

Demo of 'Paint Party', painting on a canvas, uses voice recognition to change the colors that you are using. The gamer shouted 'Light Blue' and his paint bucket changed to light blue. The gamer can pose and by saying 'cheese' the game will take a picture of the pose and create a stencil of the image which you can color.

Video of 'Milo'. A strange video game boy, who can interact with the gamer. Creepy at best, but revolutionary no less. Able to recognize emotions and tone in voices. Interacts with the game in a non scripted manner. This kid in the game has AI. Yup, he decides what to do and what to say on his own. This video MUST be seen.

This is not a game. This conference just took a step from gaming, to life. This technology both astonished me and frightened me. I immediately thought of MINORITY REPORT, where everything was motion controlled, using motion without touch to control cars, video players, and computers. And now its here.

This is a smart move for Microsoft. What makes Wii so successful is its playability, its ability to have people pick up and play and to connect gamers young and old, hardcore gamers and non gamers. What gave it that appeal was the motion control utilized by the Wii remote. What Microsoft has figured out is that it wasn't the CONTROLLER that people loved, it was the CONTROL. The ability to use movement to play a game. They even said "..controllers have been our biggest barrier", its safe to say that he was referring to the Wii Remote. By effectively removing the remote you have body movement, no equipment to familiarize with, no buttons t memorize, just you. This is big. Suddenly Nintendo's Wii remote 'Motion Sensor Plus' add-on seems worthless. I hope Nintendo has something better than that up its sleeve for tomorrows conference...

CMON TERMINATOR!

2009-05-26T22:54:00.000-07:00

I am a rather huge fan of TERMINATOR. And TERMINATOR 2. Not so much 3. What about TERMINATOR SALVATION? Well, let me explain.

I'm going to be as spoiler free as I can be, but if I get all worked up I apologize, this could be a long one. Just know it is probably best to watch the movie before reading my review.

The movie opens with Marcus Wright, a murderer who is minutes away from execution, he is persuade by a mysterious doctor to donate his body to science after he dies. Marcus agrees and signs the provided forms, which have the 'CYBERDYNE SYSTEMS' logo on the header. Now anybody who is familiar with TERMINATOR lore, or who has seen ANY of the TS trailers, will know that MARCUS WRIGHT is converted to a TERMINATOR shortly after his execution, even though it is not shown on screen. Thats the first problem.

The movie then jumps 15 years into the future where the world has become enveloped in a nuclear winter caused by machines, who are hunting down humans and killing them, or harvesting them as workers. The movie then splits into two parallel storylines that feature Marcus Wright and John Connor separately, until they intertwine later on in the film. Here is the second problem. John Connor, the central character of the franchise, has a very dull story arc in comparison to the story of Marcus Wright. Connor spends his part of the movie yelling, shooting, and running, when he's not transmitting radio broadcasts of course. Connor is shown planning his attack against SkyNet HQ, and listening to inspirational tapes recorded by his mother before she died. I get what they were TRYING to do, I get it. But they didn't get it across on the screen. What they were trying to do was incorporate the essential theme of the TERMINATOR films; the difference between humanity and machinery, and the struggle to keep that humanity within yourself. That was not shown with John Connor. The movie tried to show how Connor had grown cold and inhuman due to his past troubles with Terminators and his present battle with machines, and how he learns to change his decisions and keep his humanity. But the problem is that his struggle isnt interesting, he is not shown at his peak intolerance, he is not given a boiling point, so his 'lesson' is not learned, or felt. And when his epiphany is reached, the movie ends. No problem, no solution. This was the half of the movie that tries to take the movie into new territory. But you cant just steer away from the course without adding something familiar to keep fans from disapproving; enter Marcus Wright.

Funny how a new character can bring back memories of good old times, even better than classic characters can. Marcus' story has much more to do with the original themes and motivations, Marcus has to protect a person of future importance. In T1 Kyle Reese travels from the future to protect Sarah Connor, Reese informs Connor of the future. In T2 the T-800 travels from the future to protect John Connor, the Terminator informs John of the future. In TS Marucs Wright travels from the past to protect Kyle Reese, where Reese informs Marcus of the present plight. See the parallels? The protector-protectee relationship unfolds and is quite interesting, way more than in T3. This is where Marcus and Kyle grow. Marcus teaches Reese how to become a soldier, and Reese teaches Marcus to overcome his regretful past. This is what works for the film.

Then Marucs discovers he is a Terminator. This would have been the best scene in the movie, and one of the coolest plot twists in recent film history. BUT, you see it coming a mile away. In the beginning of the film, no less. So the part of the film that is supposed to have the most emotional appeal has no significance? How could this happen? Well because the audience is shown the plot twist during the first 5 minutes of the movie. This made me angrier than any portion of the movie.

Read this next part ONLY if you've seen the movie: John Connor is a VERY important leader in the resistance against the machines. He is of great value and his death would mean curtains for humankind. So when John Connor is mortally wounded by a T-800, his would-be death scene hits very hard, and you start caring about the character. But again, his story arc isnt very strong, so this scene could have been MUCH more emotional if his story had been interesting. Also, the original ending was far more interesting, but completely stomps on the theme of the franchise. In the original ending, Connor dies, and as a means to continue the fight against SkyNet, and to keep hope alive in humankind, Connor's skin is grafted onto Terminator Marcus' body in a secret operation so the image of Connor and the Resistance is kept alive and is able to stay alive without fear of death. Somewhat echoing the ending from THE DARK KNIGHT. But the ending was leaked online early into shooting, so the ending was changed. Anyway the new ending is more beneficial to the theme of the movie.

So after all the killing of the movie I did, was it a good movie? Yes. Half. Half of this movie is a TERMINATOR movie and the other half is a war movie. In the same movie you have half of the plot being a variation on the traditional story, and half the movie being fresh story to take the franchise into new uncharted areas. IF there are any sequels to this movie, they will be most likely focused on the war against machines. Even though this is the TERMINATOR movie we all want to see, that we were all promised back in '84, it isn't as interesting as expected. What we didnt expect was a shift of storytelling, a shift of focus, because in the period of time between Judgement Day and the invention of time travel, there is war. And that period of time is not that interesting. At least not as interesting as the concept of sending soldiers to the past to protect or kill future figures. But interesting enough to be watched at least once.

DONT PISS OFF THE GHOST.

2009-05-20T11:15:00.000-07:00

I am convinced that there is a ghost in my apartment. Let me explain.

One night while I was laying in bed, the cabinets in my bathroom opened and shut two times in a row, SLAMMED shut. I shot out of bed and turned the lights on, but nobody was there. After I turned the lights off again, the door stopped slamming.

Another time, I left for work in the morning and turned off all the lights in my apartment. When I came home, it was dark outside, and all the lights were on in my kitchen and living room. These were lights that had to be turned on with a switch in the wall. I assumed that my girlfriend came home and turned some lights on and left. But she didnt. Nobody had been in my apartment since I left for work in the morning and came back at night.

LAST NIGHT, after watching Flight Of The Conchords FRONT ROW which i posted pictures on my Facebook, Jesus came over to my apartment and I told him the story about the lights turning off on their own, and that my apartment houses a ghost. NOT 10 SECONDS after I finished my story, the lamp next to me turned off. I almost ran outside to escape but I didnt, I had three races left in Mario Kart. There were no other disturbances that night, but I refuse to believe that the light turned off RIGHT AFTER I told the ghost story was pure coincidence. As Jesus put it, I pissed off the ghost.

So If you come over sometime, DO NOT piss off the ghost. We might be in the dark. Or taken to the otherside...

FIND YOUR DEATH STAR. A LATE REVIEW.

2009-05-18T23:38:00.000-07:00

Don't know why I never wrote a review on this movie, but seeing as how the DVD is being released today, I guess the timing is worked out OK.

FANBOYS is a movie that has had more problems than any movie in recent history. Originally set to be released in 2007, the film was delayed, then delayed again, then the studio commissioned reshoots (which is never a good sign, WOLVERINE shot many reshoots in January before it was released in May, we all know how that turned out...), then the reshoots were deleted, then it was delayed again, until it was FINALLY released in February this year. By that time all the money was spent doing reshoots and principal photography, there was no money left for advertising, the only poster I saw for the movie was after the movie had already been released. I saw no other television/radio/internet exposure regarding the release. When I saw the movie, aside from my friend Gavin, there were 3 other people in the theater with us. Over the course of 3 years, at the time of release the film had cost $8 Million. And made less than $800,000 in theaters. That is a DISASTER. Quite a shame, because this movie is a real prize for Star Wars fans.

Reviews on this movie were grim. I dont think a single mainstream review gave this film a positive review. And I can see why. This film works MOSTLY for Star Wars fans. When the characters arent making fun of each other, they are making Star Wars jokes and references. That's not a bad thing, IF you love Star Wars. But as long as you've have at least a vague knowledge of the original 3 Star Wars movies, you can make it past all the references and cameos to decipher the message the film tries to get across, and once you get the message, the movie begins to take on its own life beyond the shadow of the Wars. But by that time, the movie is over. Although FANBOYS is not very deep and takes a while to find its own way, it has a big heart and is VERY enjoyable and I recommend it to all star wars fans. If you're not a fan of Star Wars, check out the movie anyways, if you can make it through the nerd stuff you might laugh a little and enjoy a movie about friendship, RUSH, road trips, and destiny. And a lesson about midnight movie premieres...

PUT ME ON THE ENTERPRISE! A REVIEW.

2009-05-11T01:08:00.000-07:00

Let me start off by saying two things; I still have not seen WOLVERINE, and I do not consider myself a STAR TREK fan. Or, I didnt until now. I know little facts about the STAR TREK universe, I caught a handful of episodes of THE NEXT GENERATION when it was on TV, I saw STAR TREK GENERATIONS once, I know that Spock dies at the end of STAR TREK II and he is resurrected in STAR TREK III, and at some point in the movie franchise the crew goes back in time for some reason. Other than that knowledge, I didnt know much about STAR TREK so I didnt consider myself a fan, but I still wanted to see this new STAR TREK movie, ever since the first trailer.

Now that I have seen the movie I can say that STAR TREK is not just for Trekkies anymore. This film is a TRUE reboot, in the way that it doesn't completely disregard the original movies but instead creates a story about an old character who travels back in time, therefore creating an alternate universe but keeping the main characters and their personality traits. And aside from some confusing explanations, it works. And if you really stop and think twice about some of the story elements, you could certainly pick apart the plot holes, but that would take away from the experience of the film, and it wouldnt be as fun as it is.

Right off the bat this movie looks like a Michael Bay movie. Lots of tilted camera angles, lighting flares, and slow mo, but thats where the similarities stop. The movie really takes time to develop the characters so that when something happens to them, you feel for them, and when they make decisions, you take sides. Which is what makes these characters good, you actually care about what they do. Especially Spock and Kirk. Some actions they make in the movie will make you question their decisions, and disagree or agree, which makes them more human, and makes you think that these characters CANT escape every trap theyre in, which makes it all the more thrilling.

So what isnt so great? Well first Kirk DOES kinda have that 'Main Character Safety' aura around him where he is never in any REAL danger because he seems to escape it so easily, although he does get the crap beat out of him every time somebody makes a fist. Some characters feel underused, like Scotty who was awesome with his 3 lines, and Sulu who turned out to be a swordfighting ninja, but in a Kirk-Spock origin story I can accept that, and hope they play larger roles in a sequel. Theres WAY too many angled shots. Usually angled shots are used to create a sense of distortion or disorientation, basically to represent a characters' abnormal state of mind. But in this movie almost EVERY shot is at an angle, THEN in the same shot the camera ROTATES to the exact OPPOSITE ANGLE. After about an hour of this I started to get dizzy, theres probably 10 shots in the whole movie that are exactly horizontal and stationary at the same time.

An excellent movie from the first frame to the last, I planned to watch WOLVERINE this monday, but I honestly would much rather watch STAR TREK again, which I plan on doing. This movie made STAR TREK accessible to movie fans as well as TREK fans, by keeping the established events, mythos, and characters but adding action, great special effects, and more sex than one can remember ever being in a TREK movie, fans and non fans can now unite for a great cinematic tale, and not make fun of each other. And give bones to your neighbor every time 'Bones' is said on screen.

PS the title of this article was a quote from the movie, im not THAT nerdy.

What did YOU think of STAR TREK? Post in the comments!

THIS is what I was talking about! DISTRICT 9 TRAILER.

2009-05-01T22:16:00.000-07:00

Hello, I'm currently in the middle of my California trip, and I'll post a full recap of events probably on Monday, but I read this article on AINTITCOOLNEWS while I was on the road, and I had to write an article on it.

The trailer for DISTRICT 9 was just released, you know, the movie I was ranting on about a few articles back. Check out the trailer, looks pretty good, certainly creepy. Hopefully youre with me on thinking that his movie looks like a good time, but really this is just a sci-fi racial intolerance movie. Hopefully it proves to be more than that and really is something that we havent seen before. Check out the link! What did you think???

http://www.apple.com/trailers/sony_pictures/district9/hd/

GET TO THE CHOPPA! AGAIN!

2009-04-28T22:25:00.000-07:00

PREDATOR is a great film. Just view this CLASSIC clip below..

Awesome. PREDATOR combined the mindless 'group of commandos save hostages in the jungle' plot that was very popular in the 80's with the 'strange alien visitor who kills' plot device and it worked, VERY well. Mention PREDATOR once to any of your friends, and see how many quotes are exchanged.

Robert Rodriguez is the man. He is the mind behind DESPERADO, EL MARIACHI, FROM DUSK TILL DAWN (my favorite), SIN CITY (my favorite, tied with the former), and the SPY KIDS movies to name a few. A lot of fans were upset with Rodriguez when he made SPY KIDS, but think about it, a kids movie from the guy who made a movie about vampire hookers, sleazy theives, and dick-guns? Count me in. Which is ironic because the character of MACHETE who originated in SPY KIDS will be getting his own HARD R rated movie soon... ANYWAYS, if Robert Rodriguez can make all these movies, then dip into kid stuff and still make something people can enjoy, think about what he can do with PREDATOR. It was announced this week that Robert Rodriguez will be producing and directing a relaunch/remake of PREDATOR. Now, he's searching for writers right now, to polish a script he originally wrote a a long time ago as a writing assignment, which included DUTCH and his pals being caught by the Predator and taken to the Predator homeworld and hunted by a group of Predators. COUNT ME IN. Robert Rodriguez may finally create a worthy film follow up to SIN CITY, and re-introduce PREDATOR to a whole new generation, something that AVP and AVP2 failed. This is going to be great, Robert Rodriguez you sonofabitch.

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT.

2009-04-20T14:43:00.000-07:00

For those of you that know me, you know very well that I am very proud of living in Arizona. While most people complain about the weather, or claim there isnt that much to do, I still wouldnt have wanted to be raised in any other place. Last night I got to see one of my favorite bands, GIN BLOSSOMS who are from Tempe, perform LIVE, something that I always wanted to do. Not only did I get to see them live, but I got to see them at home, in AZ. My home as well as theirs. It was an experience I wont soon forget. And I thought that no other local event would top it. But today, that memory already has competition coming.

A few weeks ago, FOX announced a contest for XMEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE, where the WORLD PREMIERE would be held in one city in America, and all you had to do to win was vote for your town and whoever had the most votes won. And in case you didnt hear this morning; HARKINS THEATERS AT THE TEMPE MARKETPLACE IN TEMPE ARIZONA WILL BE HOSTING THE WORLD PREMIERE OF XMEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE. AND I WILL BE THERE. REWIND. The announcement was made this morning on every newspaper and news cast in the valley, and the actual announcement was held at the CINE CAPRI theater at NOON. It was reported that the announcement would be open to the public, but a drawing would be held and only 100 people would be selected for tickets to the PREMIERE. Surprise! It was announced that ALL PEOPLE in the theater would be getting a ticket to the premiere and if your names were pulled from the drawing, you would win an extra ticket. SURPRISE! ALSO announced is that this premiere will be the LARGEST premiere of all time, with WOLVERINE playing simultaneously on all 16 screens at the HARKINS THEATER. Dan Harkins came out and said the exact same thing I was thinking at the same time I was thinking it; This is my first Hollywood world premiere, and it will be in my hometown. And I cannot be more excited. Its going to be one hell of a night and Im ready for it. This is the WORLD PREMIERE, that means actors, actresses, red carpet, cameras, news outlets, film journalists, AND ME. RADICAL!

TOP 5: BIGGEST MOVIE DISAPPOINTMENTS EDITION

2009-04-17T10:21:00.000-07:00

Here it is, the top movies that have reeeaaally ruined things for me. Wether my expectations were high, or incredibly low, these movies just put the last nail in the coffin for their franchises, actors, or directors. Just think of going to a restaurant that you always eat at, and deciding to try something new and different, only to find out that what you ordered is completely disgusting/boring/ and just downright a bad decision. So here's the Top 5, in my book, be careful though, all the articles contain spoilers so if you havent seen the movie, too bad. Please feel free to comment with anything you agree with, or disagree. This site is open to comments/suggestions!

5. Pineapple Express.

Seth Rogen, escaping with his career.

Remember UNDELCARED? No? Ok what about 40-Year-Old Virgin? Closer? Ok, Superbad? Remember? Ok, thats when Seth Rogen was funny. Correction, thats when Seth Rogen was FRESH. Seth Rogen got stale quicker than Will Ferrell, and Will Ferrell was pumping out movies ALL the time. What made this movie so disappointing was that Rogen tried the same shtick that he always does, only he didnt have the right context, or supporting actors to pull it off. The one shining beacon of light in this movie was DANNY MCBRIDE, who stars in the BRILLIANT 'Eastbound and Down' on HBO (which will be discussed later...), who offers a fresh personality to the whole thing.

4. Zach And Miri Make A Porno

They don't seem very interested. Like everybody else in the theater.

Please just read my review titled 'Disappointing', and skip the movie.

3. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

"Wait in the ending we're supposed to find WHAT? Seriously?"

What if Luke Skywalker, while trying to take down the Galactic Republic, inadvertenly discovered a powerful ancient relic from the past and didnt care all that much. Sound absurd? Well flip that around that thats what happened in Indiana Jones 4. Initial I liked the movie, but after a few days, it began to grow sour in my mind. I had a rather long conversation with Gavin about this and we decided that we initial liked this movie because it was an Indiana Jones Movie--we were gonna like it if Indy made furniture for 2 hours on screen. But soon after, you realize you were duped. Why oh why did Indy and his friends have to find aliens? ALIENS. But Indiana Jones discovering aliens wasnt the worst part, oh no. The WORST part is that, immediately after the enormous alien saucer emerges from the earth, right below their feet, and flies away into space NOBODY CARES. They all look it, smiling, as if to say "Those wacky aliens, whatareyougonnado?", and there is no verbal mention of this outrageous event by any of the characters from that point on. What if they come back, Indy? WHAT IF THEY COME BACK? Well we're all going to be killed because you and your pals didnt tell anybody about them. Ever.

2. X-Men: The Last Stand

Remember in XMEN when Magneto used his magnetic powers

to levitate and restrain Wolverine's adamantium plated

skeleton when he tried to attack him? Neither did whoever

made this professional poster.

This movie has beef. Beef within the studios, between actors and directors, and it showed. Bryan Singer directed the first two X-MOVIES for FOX and when time came to make X3, Singer turned down the offer to make it because he was offered to make SUPERMAN RETURNS (which isnt in this Top 5 for a good reason) for WB, but offered to still direct the movie when he finished SUPERMAN. Well FOX got pissed and said No, Thanks and got another director to do it. Well Singer took his writers with him and also Cyclops (James Marsden), to help him with SUPERMAN. So pissy FOX hired new writers so they wouldnt have to use the script that Singer's writers had already made for X3 and killed Cyclops in the first 10 minutes of the movie. Lame. Not only that, but FOX effectively made it so that there more than likely will not be any direct sequels in this XMEN series, and left a very ugly scar on the franchise. EVERYBODY was killed, there was no GAMBIT, ANGEL sucked, the costumes were ridiculous, and nobody did anything except for WOLVERINE. Its like if you worked very hard to make a very awesome ice cream sundae, and just as you were about to finish it, somebody else came in and rubbed a pickle in it, the smashed it with the palm of their hand. And your sundae was forgotten.

1. Spider-Man 3

Two visions, one movie, one resolution: RUIN EVERYTHING.

Spider-Man shattered, SHATTERED, records a long time ago, and along with X-MEN 2 brought us the movies we have today. BATMAN BEGINS, THE DARK KNIGHT, WATCHMEN, SUPERMAN RETURNS, THE PUNISHER, THE INCREDIBLE HULK, IRON MAN, 300, THE SPIRIT, and SIN CITY all would NOT have happened had Spider-Man and X2 not achieved the success it did. They had the right talent in its writers, directors, actors and vision and brought us the comic book movies we now have today, and BOOMED the comic book movie craze. Hell, I remember waiting in line for 30 minutes to watch SPIDERMAN, and the entire theater in Chandler was filled with people standing and sitting in lines waiting for their first chance to see SPIDERMAN. I also remember going to the theater 8 times to watch the first X-Men movie with my brothers and Julian, its still the most times ive seen a movie in the theaters. I saw X2 5 times in theaters. So when SM3 came out in 2007, about 5 years deep into the comic book movie onslaught, it should have been monumental. It should have been grand. It should have been the best comic book movie of all time. It wasn't. When SM3 was announced, fans wanted VENOM in the movie, and they deserved it. But director Sam Raimi publicly expressed that he was NOT a fan of Venom, that he was a great character but he personally didnt 'understand' him, and that Venom would 'never' be in a Spiderman movie as long as he's involved. BUT, many odd clues showed up online and before you knew it Topher Grace was cast as 'Edward Brock Jr.', aka Eddie Brock, aka VENOM. At first the director Sam Raimi claimed he was proud of his product and if anybody didnt like it, they didnt understand it. But recently he's changed his story. He claims that he was forced by the studio to put Venom in the movie, and that his creative control was stripped from him during filming. Basically, he couldnt make the movie he wanted. And it shows in the movie. You could almost cut the movie in half and have two different films. With two villains (three if you count non-Venom Eddie Brock), SPIDERMAN getting and losing the famous black suit, Mary Jane bitching all the time, TWO love triangles, and a mysterious dance number, its as if the studio and the director were playing tug of war as the movie was playing right in front of us, and the director gave in but as payback added in absurd resolutions and dance numbers. But all is well, word has it that SM4 is on the way with Raimi in full control. And no Venom.

BEHOLD.

2009-04-10T19:34:00.000-07:00

I have created. Created what you ask? Well, you know all those '602' and 'PHX' gangster shirts that are running around these days everyplace you go? Well, if you live in Tempe, here's your comeback....

Hahahahaha YES! Calm down baby birds, this is meant as a joke/backhanded comment to all those PHOENIX t-shirts, and to capitalize on all the 90210 rage. So buy a shirt and support my blog, and me, and my woman, and my addiction to apps, my dog who vomits where people like to sleep, and the people at Zazzle, for letting me make and sell such an obnoxious and pretentious (and triumphant) piece of apparel. If I could just see a whole gaggle of high school kids running around with this shirt on, ill be a happy man. A happy, rich man.

MOVIES YOU HAVENT SEEN, VOL. 3

2009-04-06T15:52:00.000-07:00

The King of Kong: A Fistful Of Quarters (2007)

Dir. Seth Gordon

One of the best documentaries of all time THE KING OF KONG chronicles two grown men as they battle for the all time high score for the arcade DONKEY KOKNG, and DONKEY KONG JR. The film follows STEVE WEIBE, a down on his luck Joe Everybody who struggles for recognition among the video game community for his DONKEY KONG record, and the villainous video game master/weirdo BILLY MITCHELL as he tries with all his skill to top WEIBE's record. But its about much more than just a race to the top. Its a battle for one man to become a winner after a lifetime of coming up short in everything he's attempted, and his struggle to overcome his own self-doubt in order to finally accomplish his grand goal.

Before you watch this movie know that it is all real. All the events, and more importantly, all the PEOPLE are 100% real. So when Steve Weibe beats the DONKEY RECORD while his son calls him from the bathroom to wipe him clean, its real. When Billy Mitchell shows up with his black Levi's from 1980, black denim shirt, and American flag necktie, its real. It's all real, which makes this documentary much more engaging and soulful then it would have been if it were just a movie. Hilarity will ensue each time an interviewee discusses how he or she played hours on end to make an all time record, play at FUNSPOT, and idolize BILLY MITCHELL. But with the comedy comes the tragedy. Each time a record is broken and then defeated, you feel the player's pain. Each time they tell stories of how their lives have changed because of video games, you feel the same way, and find yourself relating to them in some way. Video games have had significant moments in all our lives, but for these guys, it IS their lives.

A running theme with my reviews here is to not give many details about the plot because I want people to be surprised and feel fresh when watching these movies. Some of the best movie experiences I've had were times when i knew almost nothing about the movie, this was one of those times. THE KING OF KONG is a great movie about self motivation, never giving up, and tons of video games. It shows us that no matter how absurd our own goals may seem to others, we must strive to achieve them. And no matter how weird our obsessions may be, there's always about a million people who are into the same weird thing.

BONUS: The movie was spoofed in an episode of SOUTH PARK titled 'MORE CRAP', check it out.

ACTIVATE!

2009-04-04T13:32:00.000-07:00

UPDATED 12:44AM. All NINE videos are now live on my youtube channel!

The YOUTUBE account is created and i have uploaded THREE videos from our 3-28-09 adventure for all to see. I still have about SEVEN more videos i still need to upload so hang tight and ill get to them later tonight. Until then, enjoy....

GOTO http://www.youtube.com/user/atomicpowersactivate TO VIEW THE REST... UPDATE LATER TONIGHT...

MARK MY WORDS, PART 2

2009-04-01T19:13:00.000-07:00

So, I MAY have been a little overzealous last year when I proclaimed that WATCHMEN would be the biggest movie of 2009, results did not work out that way. BUT im not here to discuss that, what i AM here for is to inform all of you about a little film coming this summer called DISTRICT 9. Believe me when I tell you that this is going to be this year's CLOVERFIELD, in the sense that this film has been kept secret for a long time and when the secret is out, people will flip.

DISTRICT 9 is directed by NEIL BLOMKAMPT and produced by PETER JACKSON. Sound familiar? We all know PETER JACKSON directed KING KONG, THE LORD OF THE RINGS TRILOGY, and (one of my favorites) THE FRIGHTENERS to name a few. BLOMKAMPT is somewhat of a newcomer, this will be his first feature length movie. BUT you've seen his work before. Remember when HALO 3 was coming out and there were those live-action web commercials, that looked like parts of a HALO movie? He made those. In fact, Jackson and Blomkampt were signed to produce and direct the full length HALO movie a few years ago. But the budget grew out of control and the studios involved pulled out and now it seems it will never come out. I think that will change when DISTRICT 9 opens.

HALO: COMBAT, in case you missed it.

I heard about this movie about a year ago but at the time there were NO details whatsoever save for a cryptic website with a logo pasted on it. There are no pictures or videos or damn near any information about DISTRICT 9 available right now, but some details have leaked out including the synopsis, which is available on various sites. The movie is about an alien race that inhabits Earth but is segregated from humans and is mistreated to the point of conflict. The story sounds like a fresh alien invasion movie that we havent seen before, and the talent that is attatched is more than enough to entice movie fans. The above video should give you a vague idea of the shooting style of the film, only it'll have much better special effects. This is the closest thing to a HALO movie that we are going to have for now, yet also could be something very special on its own. So look for this movie this summer and prepare for something grand.

INTERNET DOWN. FACK.

2009-03-31T20:07:00.000-07:00

MY INTERNET is broken and wont be fixed until FRIDAY, but ill try my hardest to post new articles until then. BUT coming friday will be a new article about this past weekend where myself, my roommate, and roger and jesus had our annual adventure, and yes, there will be videos...

Until then here are some updates going on in LIFE for me:

--I got my car washed for 20 bucks. Two days later I parked next to a sprinkler, only I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS THERE.

--I refuse to sign up for FACEBOOK even though I know many of you are on it. I just cant find a reason to create and maintain another new social networking profile that nobody will read IN ADDITION to MYSPACE and my BLOG, both of which nobody reads anyway.

--The douchebag phenomena has spread to girls. The other day I saw a girl wearing a polo shirt with a popped collar, white visor, raggedy jeans sagged with boxers exposed, and flipflops. She may have been a lesbian.

--I cant say which one but a kid at a certain PIZZA restaurant totally hooked us up with a spinning police light worth 2000 tickets when we only had 235 the other day. Even though we had it on inside the car, arrests did NOT ensue.

--If your friends have staged a wicked bad practical joke on another friend, don't tell that friend what it is and then dismantle it. NICK.

--If you ever try to pull a TEEN WOLF from inside a jeep and stand on the back seat straight up with the top removed and pretend to surf, make sure the driver DOES NOT go over any speed bumps. Fast. On purpose. JESUS.

--Don't ever get internet service from a company that rhymes with IGNITION.

THE GOOD ONE. A REVIEW.

2009-03-31T19:56:00.000-07:00

This weekend I finally got a chance to watch LET THE RIGHT ONE IN. A Swedish movie based on a novel, this movie is about a young boy who gets a new neighbor-a vampire. Now before TWILIGHT comes to mind know that this movie was not borne of that whole TWILIGHT vampire craze. This movie is more like BLADE, in that the vampire rules and myths still apply, and has wicked gore to boot. Though this movie is very effective as a horror film, it tends to be more on the 'coming of age' side, which may turn itself off to many. But thats where the really horror lies. This young boy becomes infatuated with this young vampire girl and fully accepts her as she is-a being who kills innocent people to provide nutrition for herself. Definitely a movie to watch if you are in need of a refreshing vampire movie with plenty of scares and great special effects. As I said earlier it is somewhat more of a coming of age story for the two young kids, but thats what sets it apart from other vampire movies, in a way making it feel more real, making it much more terrifying. OH, and theres a scene where a vampire is exposed to sunlight, and its probably the best scene of that subject matter of all time.

THE ABYSS GAZES ALSO. A REVIEW.

2009-03-06T17:36:00.000-08:00

I wont spend time digging into the plot here but WATCHMEN follows a masked crimefighter's quest to solve a murder and his discovery of a plot far more terrifying, and reuniting with his former friends along the way. In my reviews I try to stay away from giving movies any specific ratings like amounts of stars or rating on a scale, I usually express the impact, if any, the film has left on me. And WATCHMEN hit me like a ton of bricks, in a fantastic way.

First you have to understand, this is NOT a superhero movie. It's a neo-noir, murder mystery, detective story with elements of sci-fi, comedy, and starring masked crimefighters. I received some pushback from a certain person who read the graphic novel and claimed that there wasnt 'superheroes in it' and it was a 'waste of time'. Let me just say I never told this person it was a superhero comic, I said it had a great story. Which is true for the film. If you want heroes chasing bad guys, cat and mouse games, goofy one-liners, and heroic deeds then rent BATMAN & ROBIN and turn off your brain, because WATCHMEN will bore you. This is an unconventional story with an unconventional resolution, laced with quantum physics, teeming with brutality, and when the ending hits you, you wont know what to think, and you'll see why when it happens. This is a far more intellectual comic book movie than your SPIDERMANS or FANTASTIC FOURS. Second you have to know this film was adapted from a 12 chapter grapic novel that features two 'books within a book' storylines. There is a lot of material, this is a long movie. Its almost 3 hours long. I had NO problem with this but the average moviegoer might. After the film some people complained of it being too long, well all those people didnt KNOW BEFORE HAND that it was that long so if you plan on watching it, plan on sitting for a long time.

The film's focus shifts from its overall conspiracy story and adds much more action and character development, which at first can be frustrating since at times the plot is absent completely to make way for character flashbacks, but its all warranted. To have these characters in the movie and not explain them would be wasteful, it would be like building a castle out of toothpicks and not showing how you made it. That being said the characters are GREAT, each actor really got to know what makes their character stand out and became them, especially RORSCHACH. My favorite scene is when [SPOILER HIGHLIGHT TO READ]Rorschach is captured by the police and they bring him to the ground and rip away his mask and he screams 'GIVE ME BACK MY FACE!' I nearly cried.[END SPOILER], and also when [SPOILER]when Rorschach 'becomes' Rorschach and kills a child murderer, with just using body language and heavy breathing you manage to know exactly what he's feeling as he is all at once angry, sad, and terrified at what he has done and what he has become.[END] or mostly any scene with Rorschach for that matter.

This is an enormous film, and the upcoming directors cut version aside, this is the best WATCHMEN film I could have ever hoped for. Sure it has its flaws. It moves very fast, leaving almost no time for the audience to catch up in case they miss something. The ending credits song is terrible. And sure some elements were changed and some were removed entirely, but the main points are there, it is still WATCHMEN in all sound, vision, and heart, and as you sit trying to dissect and understand it, it is doing the same to you. I know this film isnt getting the best reviews right now, and they range from outstanding to terrible, part of that could because it requires a bit more focus from the viewer than the average audience. But all reviews are relative. It all boils down to expectation. Expect to be entertained. Expect this movie to be better than EVERYTHING else currently playing in theaters. Expect to challenge the characters' decisions. Expect to sit for almost 3 hours. This film is not for everybody, but if you find its for YOU, then expect to be amazed at this great piece of cinema. I can go on and on about how it could have been better, how it could have been worse (a previous draft of the script had the film set in current times instead of the alternate 1985 from the graphic novel), but I would be wasting time because we've got something that deserves its accolades for what it is. It's not perfect, but its very effective, and if you can just expect that, you will greatly enjoy WATCHMEN. I cant wait until I get the chance to see it again.

MOVIES YOU HAVEN'T SEEN, VOL. 2

2009-03-04T22:45:00.000-08:00

In honor of the PUBLIC ENEMIES trailer debut ive chosen HEAT as the basis of my next article.

HEAT (1995)

Directed by MICHAEL MANN

One of my favorite movies of all time, HEAT is billed as 'A LOS ANGELES CRIME SAGA', and it couldnt be more true. HEAT is one of those movies that ill watch at anytime, even if i catch it edited on cable and its already 45 minutes into the movie. The film is about an expert team of bank robbers and a dedicated cop who wont rest until he's captured them. I dont want to go too much into the plot because though its somewhat simple, there are great characters that have amazing interaction with each other, and keeps you compelled to find out what they'll do next. The movie stars Al Pacino, Robert De Niro, Val Kilmer, Tom Sizemore, and Danny Trejo, who are all great and believable in each of their roles. The film is seen as a precursor to THE DARK KNIGHT by some and there are definitely parallels. The story is just as much about the city as it is the characters, most of the scenes take place out in the open or in different establishments within the city of L.A. Also the use of shots and colors to define and develop characters is excellent, some scenes tell a lot about their characters without anybody saying anything at all. The story compels all the way through to the ending and the characters stay with you long after it's over. SO check it out, i saw it at FRYS ELECTRONICS for 10 bucks for the double disc special edition, definitely worth picking up for that price, you will be very impressed. And if PUBLIC ENEMIES is anywhere near the caliber of HEAT, it could be another winner for MANN and movie fans.

NEW TRAILERS.

2009-03-04T22:14:00.000-08:00

Saw the new TERMINATOR SALVATION trailer, and it looks way less sucky then I thought it would be. It actually looks really good. If you havent seen it, ive put the embed below so you can! Courtesy of Yahoo! Movies...

Here's what I like about TS:
1. Christian Bale as John Connor. Anything that can take the bad taste of Nick Stahl as Connor in T3 is welcome, and Bale is the right guy to play a soldier in the future.

2. The new Terminator, Marcus. I like the whole "Im a terminator but I think im a human" angle thats in the plot. It takes the whole Terminator storyline into different territory. Part of why T3 wasnt so great was because it was basically T2 with different ending, and by the looks of it this Terminator movie will be a different story than the 'killer from the future' thing we've seen already.

3. Christopher Nolan helped with script rewrites. Nolan visited the set during filming and talked with director about character development and was invited to join in and rewrite certain scenes in the movie. Remember he co-wrote THE DARK KNIGHT, so the man knows character development.

Things I dont like so much:
1. The NEW 'Terminators'. Im still not digging the motorcycle terminator or the giant terminator, the whole thing seems too close to 'Transformers' to me, almost as if WB wants to capitalize on any Transformers fire still left in moviegoers. Don't get me wrong, the designs look badass, but it feels like theyre glombing on to another franchise's selling point.

2. The rating. The producer said some IFFY things about what the movie might be rated. Basically what he said was TDK was the highest grossing movie of the year and it was PG-13, and on the other hand THE MATRIX was R and made lots of money as well. Let me just say this movie BETTER be rated R. Theres no way they can make this PG-13 if they want to keep all the robot smashing, exploding, skin removing frenzy from the first two movies. But all the ambiguity aside, i really dont think it'll be rated anything other than R, Terminator has always been rated R and they risk offending a whole barrage of fanboys if they dont release it so. Just like Die Hard 4...

MOVING ON, the new trailer for PUBLIC ENEMIES also debuted this week, i couldnt find an embed code so you'll have to go to apple.com to watch it. PE is about the hunt for John Dillinger during his heyday. JOHNNY DEPP plays Dillinger and CHRISTIAN BALE plays Melvin Purvis, the cop on his trail. This movie was directed by Michael Mann, director of some of the best movies out, MIAMI VICE, HEAT, ALI, COLLATERAL, to name a few. Movie looks GREAT, cant wait to see DEPP and Dillinger rob banks, be kind to bankers, and be smooooooth to the ladies. I just hope BALE creates his own character in this film, he has played GREAT characters in other movies but they are characters that have already been established in other franchises. BATMAN, JOHN CONNOR, even though he's played them GREAT, he hasnt really created his own signature character that he's created. When people think BRUCE WILLIS, they think DIE HARD, when people think ARNOLD they think TERMINATOR, and when people think STALLONE they think ROCKY. When people think BALE they think BATMAN, which isnt BAD but it would be cool to see Bale build a signature character on his own terms, and this movie could be his chance. We'll have to wait and see, but it looks like it WONT disappoint.

One day until midnight...

2009-03-04T13:21:00.000-08:00

The day is almost upon us. WATCHMEN is almost here. Before we all experiece it I wanted to write a preface to my upcoming review (which WILL be online Friday morning for all of you to read). I have said this before and I stand by it; comicbooks and movies are two vastly different storytelling mediums. Let's just remember this as we watch the movie. Let's just watch it and take it as it is and if it entertains then great, if it doesn't then we wasted money, big deal. So all current reviews aside let's reserve judgement until we watch the movie and not stunt our experience with negative reviews by purists of the comic. It's a movie, not a comic. 3 acts, not 12. 2.5 hours, not 5.5. Wether or not it will be a great adaptation, I'm sure it'll be a great film.

Ar!!

2009-03-01T19:23:00.000-08:00

So, a few years ago two dudes had a radio show THE BIG O AND DUKES SHOW on 101.5FM back when it was a talk station known as FREE FM, before it becam 1015JAMZ, and it was the best radio show ever. Then the station changed formats and they had to leave. They started their show anew in their hometown of DC and ive been listening to them ever since then..

Today, they returned to Tempe for the weekend and I had my chance to kick it with them at last.

Heres all the folks waiting for the boys to show up.

ME with O and D. BONUS, Jack & Coke courtesy of one Oscar Santana.

ME and DRAB T-SHIRT, with a MOUNTAIN DEW no less.

LOTS of fun, hopefully they return soon. Check out their show on wjfk.com for a stream of the show from 830-130 AZ time (its the morning drive to work for most of you) on WJFK.COM or on a handy dandy AOL RADIO app for iphone/ipod touch, or download some podcasts for FREE on iTunes, they're into the same things you are: xbox, movies, comic books, rap, drinking, John Cusack movies, MMA, making fun of people, etc. So check them out if you got some time

RETURN OF THE BLISTER.

2009-02-19T21:07:00.000-08:00

STREET FIGHTER IV has arrived and let me just say FUCK YEAH!!! This game is classic, old school fighting at its best. Here are some highlights so far:

1. Beating Roger with a Shinku Haduoken.

2. Using 10 continues on the final boss.

3. Jumping up during a round and playing the remainder standing on my feet 8 inches away from the tv.

4. Yelling obscenities at the top of my lungs after being defeated.

5. FINALLY beating Blanka.

6. My hands hurting like all hell after beating the game.

If you dont have STREET FIGHTER yet, please get it or come over and we can play. Just not Roger. Im pretty sure he cheats.

It's so old skool, its almost PRE-skool...

2009-02-05T22:54:00.000-08:00

So, PUMA continues to show that it makes genius moves when designing shoes and made these. What you are about to see is true.

Click to embiggen

YES, those are MEGA MAN shoes. I dont know the whole story behind these shoes but I DO know that they are in fact inspired by MEGA MAN himself. And now I have them. And im pretty sure that if Mega Man were alive and a young, hip youth, he would own these. Only he wouldnt tie them because he has a cannon for an arm. Thanks to Jim for the scoop.

Ok heres, your chance. Don't ruin it...

2009-01-20T18:36:00.001-08:00

A few months ago I read an article that said Keanu Reeves' agent acquired the movie rights to a COWBOY BEBOP movie, my favorite anime and pretty much the only one I watch. Now comes the OFFICIAL word from 20th CENTURY FOX (who's coming out with the DRAGONBALL movie) that Keanu Reeves hired a writer, his agent will be a producer, and he will play Spike, the main character. At first I was severely upset. But now, I don't think it will be so bad, if i dont take it so seriously. Ill just have to lower my expectations. What will happen? Well I think FOX will try to make it like a straight scifi movie, instead of the jazzed up, film noir, scifi, western that the original series was so great for. And thats ok, It'll just be a 'different interpretation'. The only thing Im curious about is who are they gonna cast for every other character? I think Vanessa Marcil should play Faye, and if anybody else plays Faye itll be a crime. Just look...

AAAAAAANND...

Seeeeeee...?

ALSO, for Vicious, I think Sam Riley (From CONTROL, the movie i told you all to watch) would be perfect.

Anybody else wouldnt fit.

And just for reference:

I dont know who should play Jet, i blanked out. But if i think of anything ill come back in the mean time, lets just imagine...

NO NO DAMMIT NO!

2009-01-12T10:55:00.001-08:00

I have subscribed to EGM on and off for the past 9 years or so. Ever since 6th grade my friends and I would all check our mailboxes every day until our EGM arrived then bring it to school to discuss and debate the ratings and articles in the current issue. Many a day was spent with my friends Chris, Garrett, Gavin, and Tobi discussing video games during classes. When everybody else was learning about proper nouns and peer tolerance, we were learning about graphics and the future of gaming consoles. I remember when the DREAMCAST issue came out in 1999 with an all orange cover and the release date '9.9.99' stamped on the front we were all pumped, especially since our friend Garrett had pre-ordered one and was having a launch party. I remember when EGM used to have inserts in its magazine with a quiz about video games and if you answered it and sent it in, you could win a barrel of useless video game swag. I never won. A year or two ago a friend of mine sent me a link where the EGM publisher was offering free subscriptions for the first 1000 people or so to sign up, and I did it. It was a small sign of things to come, that EGM and magazines in general were suffering. For money and readers. Then this past year I renewed my subscription for $10. Quite a bargain for 12 issues that are normally $5.99 on newsstands. Today I read that EGM will be no more. Their parent company ended the magazine a week ago and laid off most of the staff. The final issue, which was due out soon, wont even get to be printed and sent. So, if you got last weeks EGM with wolverine on the cover, cherish it. It will be the last. So bid farewell to a giant in videogame history, and please share your stories and experiences with the mag here in the comments zone.

ELECTRONIC GAMING MONTHLY

1989-2009

WOLVERINE.

2008-12-13T20:22:00.000-08:00

No. I haven't seen the new WOLVERINE trailer, or 'X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE' as its now being called. Correction; I haven't seen the trailer in theaters. I saw the trailer on YouTube. I saw footage that was shown earlier this year at comic-con, and the new trailer has some of that in it. Trailer looks decent, even though I still think it's an unnecessary movie, I still want to watch it. Why? Well frankly I want to see more MARVEL characters in movie form. Speaking of which, my all time favorite X-Man is going to be in this movie. Gambit. Yup, he's in this movie somehow. And while I can't wait to see him explode all kinds of mutant ass with his badass bow and playing cards, I cant help but notice how they FUCKED UP THE CANON. What's canon you ask? Well canon is the established timeline of things. Example; Star Wars canon is that Luke trains with Yoda before he fights Darth Vader. Well fucking up canon would be saying that Luke fights and defeats Vader, then trains with Yoda. SO why does the Gambit thing matter? Well, WOLVERINE takes place LOOOONG before the first X-Men movie, somewhere in the 50s or 60s I bet, and Gambit is there. So that means that, should there ever be a continuance of the X-Men movies, Gambit wont be there. He wont be there to hit on Rogue. He wont be there to shoot the shit with Wolverine. He wont be there to piss off Cyclops. Instead he'll be in some asian country, or whatever. Co-starring with Will.i.am and Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool without his mask. Still...I'll be at the midnight showing.

NEW GUNS N' ROSES.

2008-11-27T10:13:00.001-08:00

I did it. I bought the new GUNS N' ROSES album. I won't spend this entire post on a review, but the album is very good. Not to say there aren't some things that don't work, cause some stuff doesn't. Some of the songs feel a little too death metal, sorta LAMB OF GOD stuff, but luckily it doesn't show up alot. The album feels like a 'greatest hits that never came out', like its a retrospective album with music thats never been released. Because you can definitely hear the different musical styes present in the songs that were present 10, 7, and 4 years ago.

That said I want to comment on an article that I read in ROLLING STONE about the way BEST BUYs are handling the release of the album. Obviously this is a big album. The first GNR album in 14 years, tons of delays, album leaks, and an almost mystic frontman who nearly never speaks about it. And the only store to carry and sell the album is BEST BUY. With it being a big album you'd think it would be a big event, but it wasnt. The article reports on a new york best buy location where the album release was really just boring. No music, no midnight release, and no special promos. Which was the same here in Arizona. I was excited when I went to BEST BUY to pick up my copy. I was expecting to fight people for a copy, have loud music playing EVERYWHERE, and other cool shit, but there was not. All there was was a small standee in the front of the store advertising the album. And with a standee that says what it said, they should have made a way bigger deal about it than they did...

That sign got me super pumped, until I enterd the store. The most anticipated album EVER was purchased in less than 3 minutes. No lines. No crowds. No midnight release. Thank you BEST BUY for making a landmark day in music so insignificant.

COMING DISTRACTIONS

2008-11-24T22:36:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the delay. I've had some Internet troubles... Anyway I didn't want anybody to think I had stopped posting, there will be TWO new posts coming on wednesday, and another Movies You Havent Seen article coming after that. Thanks for holding on. It's coming...

ALL WATCHMEN. ALL THE TIME.

2008-11-19T09:23:00.000-08:00

I apologize for all the WATCHMEN news on the site. It seems more like a WATCHMEN fansite than a blog, but its not. Its just that, besides other things, WATCHMEN is prolly the biggest thing in my life right now. That being said the new trailer for WATCHMEN has been posted on yahoo movies, and its 10x better than the last one, check it out. Also, I was reading an interview with the film's director and he said that the ending in the book is different from the ending in the movie. While that is going to piss a lot of folks off, I agree with the decision. People need to understand that comic books and film are two very different story telling meduims. While some elements can work in one, they can't work in the other. WATCHMEN is a prime example. The ending to the novel, while outlandish at first, is very appropriate, it makes sense, it makes the story fit together like a watch (that was two references in one, if you can guess which two, I'll send you a t-shirt). But that ending will not work in movies. At least not right now. All the more reason to read the book. This is my one final push to get you all to read the book BEFORE the movie comes out, and then I'll stop. Also I wrote all this out on my iPhone. Solely so I could say that statement, and to show how hard I work for all of you. Because it was murderously hard without a goddamn mouse.

SOMETHING I READ, AND HOPEFULLY SOMEDAY WATCH.

2008-11-17T16:46:00.000-08:00

SUPERMAN RETURNS came out a few years ago and the WARNER BROS. hoped that it would reignite the franchise and spawn sequels. But the film didn't make as much money as WB had hoped, and the reviews were mixed with critics and fan alike. Personally, I liked the film but not for what I saw, but for what I WANTED to see. The movie had potential that it didnt get to fully realize. The one main problem? The villian was Lex Luthor. Again. After 3 movies of Superman fighting Lex Luthor they needed a bigger, stronger, and more monstrous villain. If they wanted to keep Luthor as the villain they should have taken inspiration from the comics to mold him into something audiences and SUPERMAN hasn't seen yet. That being said, I think the next SUPERMAN movie should be...

That's right. Superman is Communist. This is a 'What if?' story. The story of what the world would be like if Superman had crash landed in Soviet Russia, instead of Smallville USA. And it serves for a great story. Though Superman is not a villain, her is percieved as one by the other nations of the world. He is seen as a threat, and the other nations work to protect themselves. Superman becomes the ruler of Russia and thats when the story takes off. As Superman struggles to run Russia, save the people of his country and the world from peril, and spread his ideals to other nations, Lex Luthor is hard at work trying to bring his empire down. But this is a differnent Lex. He is now a top scientist, and probably the smartest in the world, working for the US government developing creatures and weapons to destroy Superman before he can invade and take over America. The story is about Lex Luthor as much as it is about Superman (you'll find out in the end), and its just as much a psychological battle as it is a physical one between the two. As long as people can be open minded and accept this as a 'What if' story instead of a 'we're going to throw out the traditional origin' story, it could be quite the film to see on the big screen. Its a fresh story that people arent familiar yet, so the twists and turns will wont be expected. It keeps enough of the main Superman mythos so that people wont feel distanced from the Superman they know. Check out the graphic novel yourselves and see if the story doesn't instantly compell you all the way until the end.

THIS IS PROBABLY OLD NEWS NOW.

2008-11-17T16:03:00.000-08:00

FIRST. It was reported that Ridley Scott will be directing a film based on the popular board game MONOPOLY. Yup, MONOPOLY. It's going to be a sci-fi version. The question is why would a person choose to direct a MONOPOLY movie after he's already made ALIEN, BLADE RUNNER, and GLADIATOR? Hopefully he's got another groundbreaking sci-fi movie in him, or else this could be JUMANJ times two. Ridley Scott is a very talented director but his last couple of movies haven't piqued my interest, because of the stories, not because of the directing style. So even if the story is about a rogue iron battling a totalitarian sportscar over the mining rights of Baltic Avenue, it'll at least LOOK amazing. If you're unfamiliar with the story, the game is about people trying to buy up property and piss everybody off to the brink of murder. Don't pretend YOUR monopoly sessions ended in hugs and hot chocolate, they ended in horror.

SECOND. Cheech & Chong reunited this year, and they went on the road with a brand new comedy tour. I didnt get to see them when they came around but I just might get my chance. THE WEINSTEIN CO., which is starting to become my new favorite movie company, has decided to film and release the show as a concert movie. It hasn't been announced if it will be released in theaters or straight to BLURAY/DVD yet, but either way I'll be there with a beanie and suspenders. Keep your red eyes open for it soon...

FEATURES

2008-11-10T10:42:00.000-08:00

Thank you to everybody who reads and contributes. Like I said before, I'll keep posting if you keep reading. That being said, remember ANYONE can comment to any posts, you dont have to sign up or register for anything, just leave a name with the comment. Also I added a thing in the top right sidebar where you guys can add yourself to the list of people who follow my blog. Just a way for me to see who my audience is, and you all can see each other. So check them out. Oh, and i made a new banner, insipred by the game BIOSHOCK, which is currently entertaining me and scaring me to a premature death.

This was a short informative post. A new post with actual news will be coming shortly.

THE BEST MOVIES YOU HAVENT SEEN, VOL. 1

2008-11-04T21:00:00.001-08:00

This is a new feature on the blog that, if receives enough attention and positive feedback, will become a recurring article. This feature is meant to discuss movies that have come out, old and new, that were overlooked by many but deserve to be viewed. So tell me what you think, if you agree or not, and hopefully this feature will motivate you to watch the movies discussed. Read on.

CONTROL

Released 2007

Directed by Anton Corbijn

One of my favorite films of all time is THE DOORS. Musicians and music were vastly different than it is today. And it's always interesting to me to see how the bands before our generation pushed the envelope and created original music and all new genres; and the stories of the musicians who spiraled into self-depravation, depression, and slowly lost control. This is one of those stories. This is the story of Joy Division and its musicians. This is an astonishing film. If you are a fan of the band Joy Division, you'll enjoy this movie. If you're not a fan of Joy Division, you will be. CONTROL is the story of Ian Curtis, lead singer of Joy Division. Curtis' life of a schoolboy in England grows into a young married man playing gigs with his newly formed band all too quickly for himself to catch up. With a surprise illness, addiction to drugs and alcohol, and new temptations from being on the road, Curtis' life slips out of his own hands while he struggles to regain a hold on it.

The acting is some of the best of the year. Its a marvelous wonder that Sam Riley, who plays Ian Curtis, was not nominated for an academy award for his portrayal. His acting range is exhausted in this role as Ian Curtis, showing the many highs and lows and voids of his life. It has been said about THE GODFATHER that the acting was so good, you don't for a minute believe that what you're seeing isn't true. The same can be said for CONTROL. With movies based on factual events or people there are always exaggerations, changes, and even made up events that are meant to add entertainment value, and make the film more interesting. But sometimes in doing so, the film becomes less believable, and more incredible. But with CONTROL there is never any distrust that whats going on in the film is untrue. And that is a powerful thing to have. In addition to all this, the film has a severely haunting ending, that is sure to stay with you long after its over. I had the chance to see this movie in the theater, and I purchased the DVD the same day it was released. There are some movies that dont have the same power it does after its first viewing, but with its great acting, fantastic music, and impressive photography, CONTROL keeps its strength on multiple viewings. Rent it, and if it's for you; buy it.

BIZZARO. A REVIEW.

2008-11-02T22:45:00.000-08:00

When you watch a Martin Scorsese movie, you expect violence. When you watch a Francis Ford Coppola movie, you expect drama. When you watch a Steven Spielberg movie, you expect to be amazed. When you watch ZACH AND MIRI MAKE A PORNO, you expect a Kevin Smith movie. Unfortunately thats not what you get.

There were people who didnt even know that this movie was made by Kevin Smith. I think I know why. It looks like a Judd Apatow movie. Half of the cast is from THE 40-YEAR-OLD VIRGIN and the other half is from KNOCKED UP. In all its heart, and in its substance, this is a Kevin Smith movie. The dialogue and characters feel like they can be placed in any Kevin Smith movie, which he sometimes does. But the cast looks like a Judd Apatow production, and that was a juxtaposition that I could not get over during the movie. Im not sure if Kevin Smith CHOSE the cast or the studio chose it for him, because Seth Rogen and Elizabeth Banks' names on a movie poster are very marketable. So marketable, in fact, that thier names are more dominant on the theatrical poster than Smith's.

Don't get me wrong, its a funny movie, just not what I expected. In Kevin Smith's movies you get to learn EVERYTHING about each of his characters, no matter how intimate or vulgar (Dante from CLERKS tried to suck his own dick; Trisha from MALLRATS fucks a lot; Banky from CHASING AMY occasionally likes to see a chick and a horse, etc.) and that really makes you care about the characters. The characters in ZACH AND MIRI don't have as much backstory, or as many anecdotes as Smith's usual rogues gallery, and it really takes away from they way you feel about them.

Some characters were great. Craig Robinson was hilarious. Jeff Anderson is gold, as usual. Jason Mewes took a refreshing turn as playing someone other than 'Jay'. The only problem is that the best characters were underused. Jeff Anderson has about 4 lines in the movie, and they were the best ones as well. Jason Mewes only started to get funny near the end of the movie, when his character miraculously becomes less dumb.

Kevin Smith is one of my favorite directors. This was an extra long review because people are more critical to things that they are more passionate about. The only Kevin Smith movie I haven't seen is JERSEY GIRL, because it is PG-13, and thats like a REESES CUP without peanut butter. I was expecting more. The only way I can explain this movie is this; you have a Ford Mustang, but instead of the Mustang logo, you have an Impala logo. It feels, sounds, and drives like a Mustang, but the big Impala logo takes away from the experience of owning it, because its as if someone is trying to make it look like something its not. If you are expecting a FUNNY movie, you wont be let down; If you are expecting a KEVIN SMITH movie; you're expecting too much.

BONUS. After you watch the movie, read the next portion below. Its ways this funny movie could have been a Kevin Smith Movie.
[HIGHLIGHT]
1. Change The Cast.
2. Have a less ambiguous ending.
3. Make the movie take place in New Jersey. Like all Kevin Smith movies.
4. Shorten the sex scenes. It got awkward after a while.
5. Add in cameos. Even CLERKS 2 had Ben Affleck, Jason Lee, Earthquake, and Wanda Sykes.

FINALLY; I DONT BELIEVE; FINALLY PART II

2008-10-31T09:02:00.000-07:00

1. From ultimate-guitar.com i read that MTV GAMES and HARMONIX the folks who developed both ROCK BAND games announced that they are making a music game containing nothing but music from THE BEATLES. Wow. I had read a rumor about this in EGM two months ago but the rumors then were that ACTIVISION was going to make a GUITAR HERO BEATLES EDITION, sort of like the GUITAR HERO AEROSMITH that came out last year. HARMONIX said that this WILL NOT be a ROCK BAND game, but instead a brand new standalone game in the spirit of ROCK BAND. I just hope that it has all four instruments and that its compatible with all ROCK BAND gear. If I could play 'Cant buy me love' just once in video game form before i pass, ill be a happy fellow. No official release date yet on the game.

Playing a ROCK BAND style game with THE BEATLES??? Imagine. Just imagine.

2. From aintitcool.com, Fox cancels KING OF THE HILL. Here's how i rate the sunday night cartoon lineup on fox: Simpsons, KOTH, Family guy. And thats it. The ratings have been down for a few seasons on the show, but the writing is still as good as ever, so this is a shame. Ill still watch reruns on FX though.

3. From joblo.com, GHOSTBUSTERS GAME IS GOING TO BE RELEASED AFTER ALL. The GHOSTBUSTERS sequel game was all but finished when it was indefinitely postponed due to its publisher being bought out by another publisher. But thankfully old schooler ATARI has bought the publishing rights to the game and has announced a release date for next year, the 25th anniversary of the movie. So next year I get a GHOSTBUSTERS game, probably a GHOSTBUSTERS blu-ray, and POSSIBLY a third GHOSTBUSTERS movie? All on top of WATCHMEN, TRANSFORMERS 2, PUBLIC ENEMIES, WOLVERINE, and RESIDENT EVIL 5?? Rad.

APPLE 1; CONSUMER 0

2008-10-26T14:35:00.000-07:00

I got my iPhone a few weeks back and I've been flashing it around like drunk girls in Aruba. I enjoy it very much except for one fatal design flaw. Had I known about this before I prolly still would have bought the phone, but someone still shouldve told me. THE THING CANT SEND OR RECIEVE PICTURE MESSAGES! What the FUCK! Instead I get a text with a randomized username and password with a web address to view my picture online. Sure I can send pictures through email but getting a picture message is an unrivaled exiliration, one I will never again experience. My masterpiece of a phone is flawed. My phone is the hot chick with fucked up teeth.

NOT SAFE FOR PANTS.

2008-10-22T16:00:00.001-07:00

Everybody stop anything you're doing and look.

This WILL be the best movie of 2009, I can assure you. The look of this movie feels like the comic book in motion. In a good way, not in the Ang Lee's HULK way. If you haven't read the original graphic novel yet, you've got to read it before the movie comes out, because im sure they are going to omit a lot of details and with a story this rich in characters and history (and there is a lot of it), it only makes the story and eventual resolution better. Check it out NOW, since the trailer hit with THE DARK KNIGHT the Watchmen graphic novel has been in high supply and easily attainable, I even saw a gigantic display at TARGET with countless copies. So if you haven't read it by March 2009, you've had every opportunity and spat on it.

THE ZOETROPES.

2008-10-20T11:53:00.000-07:00

I GOT MY IPHONE. I will now address my phone as my iPhone, if you call it a phone, you wont get a response. Also I hope those of you who have my new number will stop calling my old number. That is now a secured line for...business...

Also got ROCK BAND 2 this weekend. If you have a PS3 and want to battle, email me your username, and we can get down. So far, i've played 0 matches online, because nobody in the goddamn world has a PS3. So let's jam already.

This weekend I went to a pizza place that i wont name, for reasons you'll find out soon enough. On the prize wall was a clapboard, one of those small square chalkboards that movie productions use to show what scene their shooting and they clap it before the start of shooting. Well, I wanted it. But there wasn't any sign to show how many tickets i needed to get it. I earned 147 tickets, and went to the counter and tried to acquire it. The man said it was 5,000 tickets. Thats quite a lot of tickets for something that was broken and could have been easily made by someone who wasn't as lazy as I, but oh well. Bottom line is; a friend on mine almost stole it for me but i said no, that it couldnt have been more than 100 tickets, so i would acquire it the honest way. It would have probably been easier to get 5k tickets if the manager hadnt been a dick and had helped me out when a machine took my tokens, instead of what he really did which was punch the machine (which yielded no results, or produced any tokens) some 15 odd minutes after I had requested help. So thanks dick, thanks for the help, Ill enjoy my tickets that im saving to use at another pizza place where their management isnt hoarding broken merch at ridiculous prices. One place had a Mogwai you could win. I think that's my next goal. 15,000 tickets.

MEMORIES. A REVIEW.

2008-10-12T19:06:00.000-07:00

I watched QUARANTINE over the weekend and although flawed, it is still a very effective horror film. The good parts? It's a very claustrophobic film, and as the film goes on, the claustrophobia increases and the sets get smaller and smaller. The lighting in this movie and the imagery really help to create suspense and realism, the film holds back a lot of the gory and disturbing images to make your imagination work a little harder to give yourself a scare.

So what's wrong with it? Ill keep this part SPOILER FREE. In order to keep the suspension of disbelief, the characters suffer from all being marvelously stupid. Example: the doctor in the group of trapped people discovers that all the individuals who are infected all show hightened agression and tend to attack people. So when they find an infected person hiding in the closet, what happens?? They carefully inch towards the person asking her to 'be calm'... And then she proceeds to attack them. Stuff like that made me mad. Also [SPOILER, HIGHLIGHT TO READ]ITS GODDAMN OBVIOUS THAT THE LITTLE GIRL IS INFECTED THE ENTIRE TIME [END SPOILER].

Seeing this movie made me yearn for a TRUE Resident Evil movie. This movie LOOKS like a RESIDENT EVIL game on film. Had this movie been about a killer T-Virus and not [some 'ARMEGEDDON VIRUS'], it would've been astounding. So QUARANTINE, despite dumb people in the mix, is a good horror movie, and could've been an even better RESIDENT EVIL movie. True dat.

THE FORCE UNLEASHED: The next GOOD Star Wars Movie.

2008-10-06T11:01:00.000-07:00

Somebody out there is CLAIMING that George Lucas is considering making THE FORCE UNLEASHED into a movie. THE FORCE UNLEASHED is a multimedia venture that has become a video game, graphic novel, and comic book. What makes this series different from other star wars titles is that George Lucas has officially named this title part of the star wars movie fiction, which means that the characters, events, places, and story are part of the original star wars movies. Which is big, considering this is the only official star wars story not written by George Lucas. I hope the movie gets made under CERTAIN conditions. This movie could work or it could be a giant loss like the NEW movies. Heres how it could work:

1. DONT GIVE IT A ROMAN NUMERAL EPISODE NUMBER. Technically this would be Episode 3.5. Seeing that looks like shit. Besides, placing this film anywhere between any films would be dumb. This story is meant to be viewed AFTER all the other movies. Sort of a SubPrequel. Keep the timeline known, yet ambiguous.

2. KEEP THE STORY. Do not let George Lucas make any additions to the story. Keep it fresh and separate from the original films. The prequel trilogy tried to force feed us these new characters that we didnt care about, and reintroduced old characters and made them less interesting. Only keep the characters from THIS STORYLINE, that way there's character development for 3 main characters and not 30 supporting characters.

3. KEEP THE OPENING. Darth Vader hunting Jedi, killing EVERYTHING in his path, leading to a fantastic lightsaber battle. The worst part about REVENGE OF THE SITH was that we didnt get to see Darth Vader being a ruthless Jedi-killing fucker and thats what everybody wanted to see. This will finally be the chance we get to see that.

4. HAVE A NEW DIRECTOR. Example: Disney. A few years ago Disney was pumping out shit. MEET THE ROBINSONS, CHICKEN LITTLE, and not to mention a whole slew of direct to dvd sequels to their classics library, in addition to planning sequels to TOY STORY, A BUGS LIFE, and CARS. Then Disney bought Pixar. One of Pixars main guys, John Lasseter, took over Disney's entire animation department, cancelling all sequels and putting all films on hold until he got to review them. Now Disney is getting great again, TRUE sequels to TOY STORY and CARS are coming, and ALL NEW traditionally animated shorts featuring classic disney characters are soon going to be in theatres, like in the 1940's. The point is Disney lost their drive to tell great stories and became a corporation. It took a new direction from a great storyteller to steer the company back to its storytelling roots. Same with Star Wars. Lucas wants computer effects to tell his story, not storytelling. Let a new director have at it. WHO? Lawrece Kasdan. He directed THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK, so he knows how to tell a dark star wars story. Let him have it.

This could not work however. Im not sure how many people outside of the hardcore fans are going to be interested in watching a star wars movie about bad guys killing good guys. Or it could be a fresh take on the series that no fan has ever seen before. If the video game and book sales have any reflection on what kind of movie it would be, then we are all in for something great.

FOUND PICTURES.

2008-10-06T10:48:00.000-07:00

Here are some pictures I found on my phone. Ill describe the adventures below...

My friend Roger always says "I eat muffin tops for breakfast!". Somehow I dont think he means these. BONUS: CHECK OUT THE TAG LINE!

Pin the tail on the Donkey. WIth alcohol.

Mixing spam with bacon may not be good. In a burrito maybe, but not in a can. Look how the SERVING SUGGESTION is blank. Even the fine people at Hormel dont want you to eat this

Thats a mustard bottle in a beer caddy. Thats all i have to say. Eat it.

GUILTY. A REVIEW.

2008-09-21T14:02:00.000-07:00

I rented SPEED RACER. First let me say that when it was first announced that the movie was going to be made by the Wachowski Brothers from THE MARTIX movies, I was excited. Then I saw pictures of the Mach 5, and I was excited. Then I saw the trailer, got excited for PARTS of it (the anime style), and not excited for other parts of it (when RACER X catches some dudes punch at 3 miles per hour). Then reviews came in and they were all negative, so I stayed away from it at the theaters.

EXCELLENT.

LAME.

I TRIED to watch it in theaters, but it was definitely at the bottom of my list. But now that I HAVE seen it I can say that I enjoyed it. It wasn't great but it wasn't terrible and I can see why some people hated it. If you were a fan of the original series (I wasn't), or a fan of anime (I'm not really a FAN, I just like Cowboy Bebop), then you'll enjoy this movie. It is a literal translation from anime and it really is unlike something that has been seen before. I didnt like ALL of it, sure its a bit goofy at times, but its instantaneous and goes away fast. Its a VERY colorful movie but as my brother explained it to me, it NEEDS such sharp contrasting colors to differentiate elements on the screen, otherwise it would all be a dark blur. And as it was put in the documentary, this film is derived from an anime. Anime isn't about being literal, its about being emotional. It's meant to take themes and exaggerate them to make the audience feel a certain way. And thats what this movie does. With spinning cars and bright colors. Definitely check it out if you want to watch a fun movie that isn't so serious, in a sea of serious movies. And if you can, watch it on blu-ray, it seriously feels like your eyes shit ice cream in your brain.

Paranormal Activity

2008-09-12T13:02:00.000-07:00

Let me tell you a story. Most people don't believe me about this, but I've seen three UFO's and two GHOSTS in my life, so I think you can trust me. Anyway, one night I woke up from sleep, it was around 3 or 4AM, and there was a rather large, otherworldly creature at the end of my room near my door, trying to hide under my dresser. It was dark and I was too afriad to turn on the light, which is why I can't tell you what this thing was exactly. It was however approx. 13 inches long and about 6 inches tall. It was dark and dome shaped. So I stared at it, frozen with fear. It stared back. Neither of us moved an inch. I finally grabbed a shoe and threw it at the creature and it scurried under my dresser. I threw another shoe at it and it didn't move. I stared at it until I eventually fell back asleep. In the morning, when it was brighter, I looked under my dresser and it was gone. I never found the creature or what it was. I know it wasnt a rat or mouse or raccoon, or prairie dog becuase I never had any one of those in my house before or after I found this creature. It guess I attract paranormal activity. Next time I'll tell the story of the ghost crossing the street to QuikTrip.

ARTIST'S RENDERING OF THE CREATURE

THANK YOU LORD BABY JESUS.

2008-09-04T23:46:00.000-07:00

Those of you who know me know that I will unblinkingly watch GHOSTBUSTERS, and THE OFFICE, along with a few others of course. Those of you know GHOSTBUSTERS know the story of the never-made GHOSTBUSTERS III. If you don't here it is; DAN ACKROYD, writer of the original GHOSTBUSTERS movies, wrote a script for GHOSTBUSTERS III back in the mid 90's in which Hell literally breaks loose into NYC and the OG GHOSTBUSTERS have to train a NEW group of GBs to assist them in removing the beasts of hell from the world. This NEW group of GHOSTBUSTERS would have included (according to ACKROYD) CHRIS FARLEY and BEN STILLER. Turns out the budget was something big, like OPTIMUS PRIME big, big fucking robot big. So the studio passed, and the film never got made. ACKROYD writes another script, which evolves into a new semi-sequel GHOSTBUSTERS video game out this holiday, which if someone can pre-order for me would be rad. TODAY comes the OFFICIAL word that GBIII is INDEED happening with writers from THE OFFICE comissioned to write the script, which involves the ORIGINAL GB crew to return and catch ghosts in that thing that zip cord vacuum box. The guys who write THE OFFICE definitely have a knack for writing deadpan dialogue, which they'll need since it looks like BILL MURRAY is coming back, but hopefully they can make a niiiiice supernatural plotline as well. Either way, this looks like another movie I can't wait for. After THE DARK KNIGHT was over and the credits rolled i thought that nothing could build my cinematic anticipation ever again. I was wrong. Thankfully, I was wrong.

COBALT BEGINS. and SUPERMAN RETURNS AGAIN.

2008-09-02T22:27:00.000-07:00

AT LAST, I GOT A CAR. I can finally stop worrying about getting around cause now I have a car, a swanky Cobalt. It's pretty cool, and I think everybody should get me something nice, to celebrate. AND ive stashed my long board in the trunk, in case I meet up with some friends who wanna surf, it'll probably be Jeepsus.

ALSO. WB is considering a re-re-imagining of SUPERMAN. This could work IF they have a villain other than Lex Luthor. He can be in the film of course, but not the MAIN villain. I want to see Darkseid, or Doomsday, or Brainiac. Then it could be great. AND bring back the original theme, it defined Superman and without it, he's not the same character. One of the MAJOR problems I had with SUPERMAN RETURNS was that Superman's theme was absent, it didnt have the same feel as the first two movies without it.

Why is Piccolo yellow!??

2008-09-02T22:08:00.000-07:00

I am going to see this movie. I am. Or at least Ill try to. I also said I was going to watch SPEED RACER, but I didn't because Jesus said he walked out of it when he saw it, so I decided to pass. But I am very interested to see how DRAGONBALL translate into a 9-120 minute movie, it could prove to be difficult to condense 7+ hours of story into one film, so we'll see. But if I keep seeing CRAP like YELLOW PICCOLO, im gonna kick a hole in this computer and sue Fox. Piccolo looks like a mix of Nomak from BLADE 2 and the cave monsters from THE DESCENT. Oh well, as long as Master Roshi is still bald and horny for Bulma, all is well.

OTACONNNNN!!!

2008-08-25T14:00:00.001-07:00

I finally beat Metal Gear Solid 4. I give it 41/2 bandanas out of 5. Gameplay was great, nothing beats sneaking behind people then giving them the ol' chelsea grin, or blowing a helicopter out of the sky.

The game wouldve gotten a 5 if it didnt have such looooong cutscenes.

Now just waiting for The Force Unleashed to come out, hopefully it doesnt suck like all star wars games do, so who knows. In the meantime, my water pump broke on my truck so im at home trying to get a ride to return my textbooks and fix my broken ipod with broken earbuds. Well, at least theres cupcakes on the table, wait-what was that? the dog ate the cupcakes? well, at least I have left over pizza--oh the dog ate that too? Fack.

BATMAN 3? ITS A RUMOR!!

2008-08-25T13:50:00.000-07:00

Also not in BATMAN 3; Coco, not starring as the Batman.

CMON DAMMIT! Please don't believe anything you hear about BATMAN 3 cause none of it is ture. None. None at all. Not even remotely. Not yet. Johnny Depp is not gonna be Riddler, Angelina Jolie is not gonna be Catwoman, TRUST ME. ABSURD! The script hasn't even been written, the director isn't even signed on to direct another batman movie, so there. Let's all just enjoy THE DARK KNIGHT and go watch it another 15 times and help it pass TITANIC, only $110 MIL to go.

OH P.S., my class was cancelled. Goodbye math, looks like ill be home Mondays and Wednesdays.

WELL WHAT'S ALL THIS THEN??

2008-08-15T08:49:00.000-07:00

HELLO. I have started up this blog since all of my opinions go ignored at home, work, myspace, SubWay, texts, and earth. So now they can be viewed here. Come check out my stuff, I might have something that interests you or makes you angry, just read it. I'll try to be kind, unbiased, and not infringe on any copyright laws. May the Force be with you, always.

Here's a nice parting image as a sign of good faith. I'm on the phone AND playing Wii. Just another day at the office.